Filling In The Blanks
by conniejaneway
Summary: A series of one shots that continue episodes or if you like "fill in some blanks". A continuing Connie and Jacob fanfiction.
1. Chapter 1-happy?

Connie was sat at her desk filling out yet more forms, it had been a devastating day in the E.D especially for Lofty, she predicted it would take him a long time to come back from this, if at all.

She had been in the middle of shopping with Grace when she'd got the phone call. Even though the days events had been terrible, Connie was reluctant to call their girly day to a premature end. This sort of thing was part of the reason Grace left in the first place, Connie would promise to spend some quality time with her daughter and then work always seemed to get in the way.

She was brought back to the present by a knock, looking up Connie smiled when she saw Charlie lingering in the doorway.

"Hey Charlie any more news?"

"No, it's pretty quiet out there, I just thought I'd pop in and see how your doing." Said Charlie as he wondered in. "How's Grace settling back in?"

Connie left her desk and motioned to him to join her on the sofa.

"Oh she's fine, she seems happy to be here...I just hope I don't give her any reason to regret her decision to stay."

"I've every confidence in you... is she around, I'd like to say hi?"

Connie tried to hide the small shy smile that had appeared on her face by looking down at her hands. "She's not, no...Jacob offered to take her. Sooo.."

"I've seen them together a couple of times, he's good with her...they look like they get along well." Said Charlie.

"They do, Ye...their quite a pair when they get together." Agreed Connie. "She told me today that she likes spending time with him."

"And what about her mum?...does she like spending time with him?" Asked Charlie.

A huge smile grew on Connie's face as she looked back at him.

"Yes she does...quite a bit." She said blushing.

Charlie leaned nudging Connie with his shoulder.

"Good for you!" He said getting up to leave. "Don't stay here working to long." And then he was gone.

Connie was putting her coat on, she done all she could for today, now it was a case of waiting to see what tomorrow would bring.

"You done Queen Bee?"

Connie spun around to see Jacob and Grace stood in her office doorway.

"Erm...yes...how did you know I would be?" She asked confused.

"We were getting hungry so we thought we'd call in and see if you wanted anything." Explained Grace.

"But if your done we could all go out for something to eat." Continued Jacob.

Connie smiled at them both as she picked up her bag. "Well what we waiting for, let's get out of here!"

Jacob and Connie walked out hand in hand with Grace leading the way.

"Happy?" Asked Jacob looking down at her.

Connie let go of his hand and put her arm round his waist pulling his closer.

"Very."


	2. Chapter 2- anniversary

Connie and Jacob had arranged a romantic getaway, it was just one night in a Holby hotel but it meant they could spend some quality time together. Grace was at school till the child minder picked her up at 3pm and would stay overnight with her at Connie's.

Jacob had arranged an early check-in so they could go straight to the hotel after work for a champagne breakfast in bed.

It had all been wonderful, curled up in each other's arms flushed and sated from their love making watching an old film. That was until Connie's phone rang, Jacob had tried to distract her and she had let him for awhile... until it rang again.

Jacob hadn't been to pleased but had willingly passed her phone this time knowing it could be important.

They had gone back into work so Connie could clear up the mess Cal and Ethen had made. Even though she could understand why they'd taken the ambulance, it still ment she was left with a angry ambulance service and to top it all off, Lofty needed replacing. How had such a relaxing day change so drastically, it seemed like every time she tried to have a personal life all hell broke loose, only last week her girly day with Grace had been cut short.

She was sat at her desk now, phone to her ear rubbing her forehead as she listened to the lecture from the ambulance station chief.

Connie looked up to see Jacob leaning on the door frame sending her a sad smile.

"Sorry." She silently mouthed to him. He wondered into the office and took a scrap piece of paper from her desk to jot down a note for her.

"Just going to see Lofty off, back soon"

Leaning over he kissed her cheek, leaving her to continue her work.

An hour and half later Connie was just finishing her call to Human Resources when Charlie knocked on her door.

"How's it going?" He asked.

"All sorted, have you seen Jacob?"

"Erm...no. I saw him leaving with some of the other staff but that was while ago..." He said apologetically.

"Right well...that's that then." Said Connie defeated, standing up to collect her things. "I might as well go spend some time with Grace, seen as though I've been stood up. So much for a romantic night."

"Give him a call, he's probably just giving you some space to do your work." Reasoned Charlie.

Connie pulled out her phone and dialled Jacob's number but when there was no answer she huffed throwing the IPhone back in her handbag.

"It's fine, he wasn't best pleased we had to come back, I couldn't expect him to hang around waiting." She told Charlie.

"You'll have to make it up to him. Arrange something else for another day."

Connie shrugged leaving her office. "I'll see you tomorrow Charlie."

As Connie was about to climb into her car she saw Jacob rounding the corner walking into the car park carrying a bag.

"Not trying to escape are you?" Jacob shouted over.

Connie waited for him to get closer before she answered. "I thought you'd got fed up of waiting...I wouldn't have blamed you."

"Your worth waiting for." He said and kissed her. "Come on let's get back to our room."

"What's in the bag." Asked Connie curiously.

"Wait and see, now let's go."

Connie drove them back to the hotel.

When they arrived in their room Jacob quickly took off his coat and through it on a chair. "Back in a minute sweet cheeks." He said as he took the mystery bag and disappeared into the bathroom shutting the door behind him.

Connie shuck her head at him as she hung her coat on the back of the door, and flopped down on the bed.

Five minutes had passed and there was still no sign of him, so she got up and knocked on the door.

"Jacob what are you doing in there?...Hello!" Shouted Connie.

The door swung open making Connie jump. "Nosey and impatient, I'm finding out lots about you today." He smiled, taking hold of her cheeks in his hands and kissing her soundly.

When they pulled apart Connie grinned at him then looked over his shoulder. The large bath was filled with steaming hot water and there was a dozen candles casting a warm glow around the room.

While Connie was taking in the scene before her, Jacob had started undoing the buttons on her blouse. She watched him as he ran his hands over her shoulders causing the top to fall to the floor before he slowly slid the zip down on her trousers and pushed them off the hips. He held her hand as she stepped out of them, not once either of them breaking the eye contact.

"Go relax, there's your brand of soap and if you want to wash your hair there's some shampoo, if not there's a couple of bobbles on the side."

"What, your not joining me?" Asked Connie confused.

"I'm ordering us some room service, go and enjoy. I'll come and wash your back in a bit."

Said Jacob guiding Connie into the bathroom before picking up her clothes and laying them carefully over the top of his coat.

Jacob stood in the bathroom door way, he loved to just watch her, weather she was talking with Grace, filling out paperwork, treating patients or taking a bath, whatever it was she was doing he found her mesmerizing.

When Connie felt him watching her she looked up, she took in the sight of him, completely and unashamedly naked. Her eyes ranked over him from head to toe before she sat up in the bath and moved forward, making space for him to sit behind her. Connie smiled as he pulled her back to lean on his chest holding her close.

"Thank you for all this." Said Connie.

"Anything for you sweet cheeks."

The couple had lazed in the bath talking until the water started to cool, Jacob was first out grabbing a towel and disappearing into the other room and then reappearing seconds later with a fluffy white dressing gown for Connie to wear.

There was a knock at the door. "One second." Shouted Jacob hanging the dressing gown on the radiator and closing the bathroom door behind him giving Connie her privacy.

Connie emerged from the bathroom dried and wrapped in the dressing gown. "Anybody would think you were trying to impress me Staff Nurse Masters." She said smiling.

There was a large try sat on the end of the bed with a selection of dainty triangle sandwiches, cheeses, biscuits, two bottles of water and a large bowl of strawberries. The main room light was off, the two duller bedside lamps on and a bottle of champagne on ice.

"Is it working?" He asked taking her by the hand and leading her to the bed.

"Maybe." Connie said coyly.

Connie and Jacob had sat on the bed picking at the food, they drank a couple of glasses of champagne as they fed each other strawberries. When they'd finished Jacob took the tray way and they settled down to watch another film.

"You've spoilt me today." Admitted Connie.

"You deserve to be spoilt Queen Bee, I'm just glad it's me that gets to do the spoiling." Jacob told her.

They fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms


	3. Chapter 3- boyfriend

'Boyfriend!' Thought Connie. 'Boyfriend! When did that happen?'

She stood there watching as he walked away. Connie knew she liked him, wanted to spend time with and yes he made her happy, but neither of them had put a name to it, until now. She hadn't had a boyfriend in...well forever. Yes there'd been men, but an actual boyfriend...dating...now that was a different story.

'Jacob Masters is my boyfriend.' A slow grin spread over Connie's face. She just had to bring up the subject with Grace now.

Connie walked with purpose towards Jacob sat on the stairs. "What on earth did you think you were doing?" She asked sitting beside him.

"Hmmm?"

"You should have waited!" Connie told him, frustrated that he'd put himself in harm's way.

Jacob smirked. "I think that's the worst thank you I ever heard!" He told her feeling just a little pleased with himself.

"Shut up!" Insisted Connie as she guided him into a brief kiss. As soon as they parted she asked purposely. "So what are you doing later boyfriend?" Asked Connie smiling.

"So your gunna-?" Stammered Jacob, not quite believing what he heard.

"Mmm." Acknowledged Connie still smiling.

"Alright!" Said Jacob before continuing the kiss Connie had just started, pleased that she had finally agreed to tell Grace about the two of them.

Jacob moved to start kissing Connie's neck when he felt her pull away. "What's wrong?" He asked confused.

"She's seen us!" Said Connie distraught.

"What? Who?" Asked Jacob frowning.

"Grace." Sighed Connie dropping her head into her hands.

Jacob looked around to see where Grace was.

"She ran off, oh God she looked so upset...I need to find her." Said Connie standing up to leave.

Jacob jumped up. "Hey hey, hold up...I'll come with you if you want...you don't have to do this on your own!"

Connie turned to look at him, she gave him a sad smile. "Thank you, but I think I should talk to her on my own." She walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'll ring you later." And she kissed him goodbye.

Connie climbed in to the car with a sigh. "I was about to tell you." She offered.

Grace sat there with a scowl on her face. "You said it would just be me and you...on the way home from the airport..me and you!" She snapped. "Were you seeing him then?" Asked Grace.

Connie didn't know what to say. The answer was yes, yes she was, but didn't know how to say it. But her silence was enough for Grace to work it out.

"You are actually unbelievable!" Said Grace feeling disappointed.

"I don't understand, you get on with Jacob!" Said Connie, not quite getting why Grace was so upset.

Instead of answering Connie's question, Grace asked one of her own. "Why did i go to new York the last time? Tell me mum!" Grace didn't wait for a reply. "...Because your job meant more to you than I did!"

"That's not true!" Said Connie desperately.

"You can't fit us all in...it's impossible...something has to give...and it can't be me again!" Connie's heart was breaking, she reached over to stroke Grace s hair trying to comfort her daughter, to let her know that she was there. "Grace..."

"It can't be me!" Said Grace weakly but then added something that would shatter Connie's world more then she would ever understand.

"Finish it with Jacob or I go back to dad...for good!" Said Grace defiantly.

Connie was crumbling, she watched as Jacob laughed, so carefree, unaware of what the future held for them.

Nothing!

Grace had to come first for her, the thought of losing her daughter again...She was certain it would break her.

The thought of losing Jacob...

Connie could feel the light inside her fading. The light that Jacob had lit...no she couldn't let that happen either...there had to be a way!


	4. Chapter 4- buried feelings

They were sat side by side in the back of the ambulance, clinging on to each other's hand as they travelled back to the E.D.

A silent tear would roll down Connie's cheeks every now and again. "Okay?" Asked Jacob looking across at her, his question full of concern. Connie gave him a small nod and a sad smile. "You?"

"Ye, I'm good...Connie we need to talk...Will you please talk to me." Begged Jacob rubbing his thumb over her knuckles.

Connie looked down at their entwined fingers, still dirty from the sand as she let out a sigh. "This doesn't change anything Jacob...I can't do this." She told him quietly.

They felt the ambulance brake gently coming to a stop. "Right people, here we are." Said Ian cheerfully from the drivers seat.

That was all Connie needed to hear, she shot off her seat dropping Jacob's hand and was out of the ambulance before anyone had a chance to react.

"Connie!...wait!" Shouted Jacob in a desperate attempt to get her to slow down but it was no use, he watched her breeze passed the team that was waiting to check them over.

Connie charged through the E.D stopping for no one. Charlie had made several attempts to calm her but the only thing running through her mind was Grace. "Where's Grace...I want to see my daughter!"

Connie burst into her office and instantly wrapping her arms around Grace. "I love you so much...I love you." Mumbled Connie between sobs. She looked up to see Jacob wondering over to the office, a broken expression on his face and Connie couldn't bare it. A very clear "I love you" came tumbling from her lips as their eyes locked through the window.

Connie didn't know if it was meant for Grace or Jacob, the emotion running through her was almost to much to bare. She took a deep breath and shifted her focused back to Grace, her daughter had to be her priority, Jacob would have to wait.

"Please mum." Said Grace trying to get her mum's attention. "Let them check you over." Connie looked down at her daughter who was trying to extract herself from the tight embrace she had her in. Looking at the door she could see Charlie patiently waiting for her, holding his hand out for her to take.

"I'll watch Grace." Said Zoe from the sofa, Connie hadn't even realize anyone else had been in the room.

"Please mum, let Charlie look after you." Begged Grace, her concern for her mother was evident in her voice.

"Ok." Said Connie feeling quite unsure and nervous for what could possibly be the first time in her life. All she wanted to do was hold Grace.

Charlie took hold of one of Connie's hands while his free hand rested gently on her shoulder blade as he led a dazed clinical lead to a waiting cubicle.

As Charlie took his time cleaning the dried blood for Connie's face she asked. "Where's Jacob?"

"He's fine...he's been taken for a scan just to make sure there's no internal injuries, which is where I'll be taking you in a moment." Explained Charlie.

"I just need a shower and to get back to Grace." Connie tried to tell him.

"Will you please just do as your told...for once!" Charlie gave her a glare that would have rivaled one of her own so she just nodded.

Connie sat in the on call room freshly showered in clean clothes, all her tests had come back clear and this was the first time she'd had to be by herself to think. She was startled from her thoughts by a knock at the door.

"Come in." She said quietly still not having found her voice.

The door opened to reveal Jacob. "Can I come in." He asked unsure if he'd be welcome.

Connie gave him a nod and he sat next to her on the bed. "How are you?" Asked Connie.

"I've been given the all clear, how about you?"

"Same...just a few cuts and bruises." Offered Connie.

Jacob took hold of her hand in his. "We were lucky today...how's Grace?"

"She's a little shuck up but she's fine, Zoe's took her for something to eat." Connie told him.

"Connie... -" "Don't Jacob, I can't do this now, my heads all over the place.. -" "I'm not here to fight Connie." Jacob told her. "Do I not deserve an explanation...I thought things were good between us...more than good."

Connie looked at him, she could see that same broken expression and eyes red from unshed tears. She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and lent into him. Jacob automatically enveloped Connie into a hug. "Grace doesn't believe that I can possibly give her one hundred percent if I'm seeing you...if I didn't break it off she'd go back to New York." Confessed Connie.

Jacob looked down at Connie in complete shock. "Your letting Grace run your life for you!" He spluttered.

Connie got up from the bed. "Don't! You have no right to judge what goes on between me and my daughter! You have know idea what we went through...what I went through when she left the first time!" Shouted Connie feeling enraged. Jacob got up and headed for the door but Connie felt instantly bad for taking it out on him. "Wait." She said grabbing his hand. "I'm sorry...I don't want you to hate me...Will you just give me some time...with Grace...so...I don't know...so she will trust that I'm not going to start brushing her off again." Asked Connie, her eyes pleading with him.

Jacob pulled his hand away and opened the door but stopped halfway through it. Not looking back he said. "I won't live in limbo Connie...I really thought we had something special...you can have your time...but don't expect me to wait around for ever." And with that he left closing the door behind him.


	5. Chapter 5- scared off

My thoughts on what could have happened to change Connie and Jacob, from how uncomfortable they were with each other in the episode Survivors to the smiles they shared in Tangled Webs We Weave.

C.J

xx

Movement and raised voices caught Connie's attention and seeing Jacob was involved she made her way over.

"Is Everything ok?" Asked Connie sternly.

The boy causing the disruption turned and disappeared back through the doors without a word. "I think you scared him off." Stated Jacob.

"Ye..well...im good at that..." Sighed Connie looking defeated, turning she walked away leaving Jacob on his own puzzling her comment.

With a frown on his face he wondered after her. "What's that's supposed to mean?" He asked standing behind her.

"What?" Murmured Connie flicking through some patient notes.

"That your good at scaring people off...I was wondering what you meant by that." Explained Jacob.

"Just leave me alone Staff Nurse Masters." Said Connie dismissively as she moved away from him.

Holding onto Connie's elbow he guided her into her office. "Care to explain why you think it's ok to drag me about!" Growled Connie.

"I'm worried about you...your-" "none of your business!" Interrupted Connie snatching her arm back.

"I still...Care about you Connie...if there's something bothering you..." Said Jacob keeping calm despite the anger he could see on her face. "...I know I've been...off...with you..."

"More like stroppy and cold..." Said Connie, her voice clipped.

"I was hurting...I still am..." Confessed Jacob.

Connie's face began to soften. "I never wanted to hurt you." Offered Connie sadly.

"So why do it...I never understood why..." Questioned Jacob. "...why did you just give into Grace...I thought..." Jacob sighed. "I don't know what I thought." He finished shaking his head.

They stood in silence for a few moments before Jacob spoke up. "Look...if you want to talk you know where to find me." He said heading to the door.

"Grace said she'd move back to New York." Said Connie stopping Jacob in his tracks.

"What?" Asked Jacob following Connie to the sofa and sitting down.

"She wants me to prove how much I love her...that I could put her first...if I didn't she'd go back to Sam." Explained Connie.

"Are you serious!" Asked Jacob gobsmacked, after receiving a glare from Connie he continued. "Of cause your being serious...Why didn't you just talk to me..."

"It wouldn't have made a difference...I...can't be with you." Murmured Connie looking down at her hands.

"Knowing that you didn't want to break up makes a big difference to me Connie...Knowing that you what there to be an us-" "Of cause I want to be with you, I...Care about you to." Connie told him quietly. "But I can't lose my daughter...not again."

Jacob lifted her chin so he could look her in the eyes. "I don't want to keep fighting with you Jacob...I don't want to push you away...I don't want you to hate me." Said Connie.

"That's what you meant...about scaring people off?" Asked Jacob.

Connie nodded. "I'm not going anywhere...I'm here for you." Smiled Jacob using his thumb to wipe away a lone tear that rolled over Connie's cheek.

She gave him a watery smile. "Friends?" Connie asked hopefully.

"Definitely...you never know Grace could change her mind." Suggested Jacob.

"Jacob...I'm not asking you to wait...Grace, she can be very stubborn-" "Your not asking...I'm saying I'm not giving up hope...I think your worth the wait." Jacob told her with a wink and a kiss on the cheek before leaving getting back to work.

Connie stayed sat by herself on the sofa, her smile growing on her face turning into a full grin as she gently touched the spot Jacob had kissed.


	6. Chapter 6- chain reaction

_**I can't get over the Connie/Jacob and Elle scenes in chain reaction, they made me so excited for what's to come...and so fun to watch.**_

 _ **These are my thoughts on what could be going through their minds underneath the dialog and what could have happened next.**_

Seeing the paramedics wheeling a patient through the double doors Connie rushed towards them, desperate to make sure Jacob was safe.

The sheer relief that washed over her came in a flood when she saw him, but it quickly dissipated and was replaced with annoyance.

"What have we got?" Asked Connie, anger bubbled inside as she chastised herself for letting the situation get to her the way it did.

Listening to Jez real off the patients stats she risked a glance in Jacob's direction and that was a big mistake. He wore a look that only aggravated her mood, it was a look that said he was completely pleased with himself for a job well done. He had no idea what he'd done, no idea of the turmoil she'd been through this last hour waiting for his return.

"Small resus." Connie ordered trying to remain calm.

Jacob stepped back to let Connie passed guiding her with his arm but was shocked when she rounded on him. "What the hell did you think you were doing?"

Jacob was caught off guard by her sudden break in her calm exterior. "Not guilty!" He joked pointing to Elle. "It was her idea!"

"Coward!" Said Elle as she let out a laugh.

Jacob saw it, the moment Connie's hackles went up. "You think it's a joke...do you?" She snapped. "As soon as I've stabilized your patient I want to see you in my office." Connie added viciously before turning on her heels disappearing into resus.

"Wow." Sighed Elle feeling a little shell shocked.

Jacob gave her a small smirk. "Good going Pancake...it takes a bit of skill to get her that angry." He said shaking his head.

Quickly recovering from her dressing down, Elle turned to face Jacob. "Well if she wanted a pin pusher..." reaching up she flicks Jacob's ear. "...Pudding...She hired the wrong doctor!"

Jacob gave a frown as he contemplated her words. "She didn't hire you!"

...

Jacob broke into a jog to catch up with the clinical lead. "Connie." He said holding his hands up in surrender. "Look...go easy on El man...I mean, she did some real great work out there." He said with a nervous grin.

Connie looked completely unimpressed. "That is between me and doctor Gardener...Sister Freeman will discipline you in due course." She told him bluntly and moved to walk away, to her the conversation was over but Jacob had other ideas, holding onto the tops of Connie's arms. "Hey, I didn't mean to scare you." He said sincerely but Connie's icy reply left Jacob dejected. "Don't flatter yourself."

Connie knocked his arms out of the way and left.

...

Walking through cubicles sometime later Jacob was intercepted by Elle.

"Hey." She beckoned him.

"Yo."

"I thought you said your girlfriend was a pussy cat?!" Questioned Elle dropping into stride beside Jacob.

Shaking his head in disagreement. "Nnnn no!...Number one...she's not my girlfriend right?...Number two...she's the boss, whether you like it or not and if you want to be one of us you need to get her on side." Said Jacob crossing arms feeling a little defensive.

Elle smiled knowingly. "Ooo...you really like her don't you." She teased.

Jacob took a cleansing breath before he confessed. "We had a thing...we've moved on." Dismissing Elle's statement.

Finding Jacob's revelation incredible Elle frowned. "You may have...do you think my backside would have been toasted like a marshmallow if she wasn't holding a candle?"

Stopping for a split second in thought before Jacob told Elle what he thought the more plausible reason would be. "No...you see its more likely she's just showing you she's not afraid of your hotline to him upstairs...no one likes a cuckoo in the nest Pancake."

"So all of this because I'm friends with Henrik?" Asked Elle.

Jacob decided now was a good time to let Elle know where his loyalties lie. "No, coz if anything happens to Connie and this E.D I promise you...our history won't count for anything." It was said in the kindness possible way. Rubbing Elle's arms Jacob took his leave. "See you later."

...

Locking her office door Connie made a beeline for the exit, glad to call an end to the day.

"So...what have I done to get the cold shoulder?" Asked Jacob as he walked behind her.

"You were out of order today...you can't just walk off shift without the proper authorization! It's dangerous...reckless...it leaves us liable if anything was to happen!" Said Connie continuing her power walk out the sliding doors.

"You see...I could almost believe that...but you've been off with me all day!" Jacob worked out.

"Think what you like Staff Nurse Masters...I'm leaving!" Said Connie dismissively pressing the key fob for her car.

Jacob quickened his pace and beat Connie to her car, planting himself firmly in the passenger seat he waited for Connie to join him.

Opening the drivers side door Connie bent down to look inside. "Get out!" She growled. "NOW!"

"I just want to talk...why can't we talk?" Jacob frowned.

Connie let out an audible sigh before she climbed in, throwing her bag in the back. "Say what you've got to say Jacob, then leave me alone." She murmured.

"Why do you have such a problem with Elle?...She a good doctor-" "She's chaotic and unprofessional!" Snapped Connie halting Jacob's defence.

"Your not even going to give her a chance?" Asked Jacob shaking his head.

"You know, we're only having this conversation because she's your friend." Retorted Connie rolling her eyes.

Jacob let out a quiet chuckle. "So that's the problem...your giving me the cold shoulder because of mine n Elle's friendship."

"No!...but I do have a problem with the two of you talking behind my back." Said Connie looking out her window.

"We haven't-" "I saw you!" Bit Connie as she whipped her head round to glare at him.

"If you must know...i was telling El to whined it in a bit...that I wouldn't let her step on your toes!" Said Jacob losing patients.

"I don't need YOU defending me!" Insisted Connie.

Jacob could feel his frustration building. "You know what...I actually feel like it's me that's done you wrong...not the other way round! You dumped me remember!...I'm the one that's hurting and it's getting tiring walking on eggshells round you!"

Connie said nothing, finding a loose piece of thread on her sleeve fascinating.

"Connie?...what have I done wrong...please?" Asked Jacob gently.

Her reply came no louder than a whisper. "Nothing." She told him. "I don't mean to be so harsh with you...I can't help it...I find it easier to be like that...I've never been one to walk around with my feelings on show...I'm sorry if you think I'm being cold but I don't know any other way to be..." Connie took a moment before adding. "...If you must know, I'm hurting too." Jacob was stunned by her admission, frowning he reached for her cheek pushing strands of hair behind he ear. "Con..."

"Please don't..." said Connie as she moved out of his reach.

"I thought you didn't care...that what we had meant nothing to you...you've gotten pretty good at hiding behind that mask of yours." Said Jacob pulling his hand back.

"Of course I care." Snapped Connie raising her voice. "I didn't want to end it...I-" she stopped herself before she said anymore.

"You, what?" Pushed Jacob.

"Nothing...just leave it, please." Begged Connie, already feeling like she'd said to much.

Feeling like he was getting somewhere with her Jacob made a bold move and took hold of Connie's hand. "I was right, wasn't I?"

Connie looked intently at their joined hands. "Probably not." She smirked and then asked. "What about?"

"You where scared...today...when I went out on that shout." Said Jacob.

Connie gave him a small nod. "But that doesn't change the fact that you and doctor Gardener should have got the correct permissions to leave...I was right to pull her up for it!"

"Ok." Agreed Jacob giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. "I'm sorry."

They sat quietly, both of them with thoughts running round their head and so much to say but at the same time completely content to just be in each other's company.

"Connie?" Said Jacob breaking the silence.

"Mmm."

"This...this thing between us...is it really over...I mean, if there was some chance-" "I'm not asking you to wait!" Said Connie jumping in.

"It just...to me it doesn't feel over." Confessed Jacob as he lifted the hand he held to kiss her knuckles.

"I don't want it to be." Admitted Connie painfully.

"Then let's be together." Suggested Jacob.

"We can't...you don't understand! The cost to me is just to high - " "Then make me understand!" Demanded Jacob.

"Grace thinks that I won't have time for her, with my job and you...She doesn't want to be pushed to one side again...I completely understand where she's coming from...it's all my fault, if I'd fought for her in the first place instead of letting her go to New York..." Connie let out a shuddering breath. "...I had to choose between you and Grace."

"I wish you'd have told me this sooner." Said Jacob with a sad smile as he let go of Connie's hand to wipe away a tear from her cheek.

Looking him straight in the eye she told him honestly. "I don't want to choose...I want you both!"

Jacob leant over and gently touched his lips to Connie's. "You have us both...I'm not going anywhere."

It was Connie who initiated the next kiss, this one much more forceful leaving them breathless.

Jacob cupped the side of Connie's cheek as they shared a shy smile. "Grace will come round to the idea I'm sure...I'm a patient man if it's something I want badly enough...friends?" He asked.

"I'd like that." Beamed Connie.

Making the most of the moment, Jacob kissed her again. Passion vibrated through them as Connie welcomed Jacob's questing tongue.

A grown emanating from the back of Connie's throat brought them back to reality.

"Since when do friends do that?" Chuckled Connie.

"It was one for the road sweet cheeks." Grinned Jacob. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"You will." Agreed Connie giving him a bright smile before watching him head back into the E.D.


	7. Chapter 7- the ship quiz

_**This chapter follows on from the last scene between Elle and Jacob...**_

 _ **C.J xx**_

Elle, noticing all the cold stares aimed at her she walks up to Jacob. "I could really use a drink."

"You can't be serious!" The scowl she received from him surprised her.

"Not you too, Jacob?"

"That ship quiz...you chucked the wrong person off, I thought I knew you!" Said Jacob disappointment all over his face.

Elle grabbed his arm. "You have..." she tries but stops realising it was pointless to even try.

Jacob's scowl turned cold and it was more than what Elle could stand, nodding her head in understanding she took a step back to address the other staff as well. "You have no idea what I've done for this department...it could have been a lot worse."

Jacob's glare remained unchanged, feeling defeated Elle walked away.

Shaking his head in disappointment Jacob looked over to Connie's office, he'd seen her walk out but the lights were on so he knew she'd be returning.

Letting himself in Jacob flopped down on the sofa, he didn't know why he'd chosen this place to collect his thoughts, what he did know was it felt a natural place to go. His quite contemplation was interrupted when the office door swung open. Jacob watched as Connie shoved it closed again with her heel, her arms full with folders and a cup of coffee precariously balanced on top. Still not aware of her visitor Connie took a sip from her cup after her paperwork was thrown with very little care onto her desk.

Jacob smirked when he heard a sigh escape her lips as she flicked off her shoes pushing them under her desk, it was clear she was preparing herself for a long evening.

"I've always been curious about how long you could stand to be in them heels..." said Jacob from behind her.

"OH GOD!" Exclaimed Connie spinning around, a hand holding her chest. "You made me jump!"

"Sorry." Chuckled Jacob. "I thought this would be a good place to hide for a little while."

"I didn't think you were the hiding type?" Said Connie giving him a small friendly smile as she joined him on the sofa.

"It's been an exceptional day and I didn't fancy joining the inquisition that's undoubtedly taking place out there...I was just giving the rest of the staff a chance to go home or to the pub before I left..." explained Jacob and then added. "Sorry...I shouldn't have just let myself in here-" "Its fine...your always welcome in here Jacob, I'd like to think we could still be friends..." said Connie honestly.

"Ye, me too." Agreed Jacob leaning forward resting his elbows on his knees.

"So how bad is it out there?" Asked Connie.

"Pretty bad...El's made a lot of enemies today-" "I'm sure they'll get over it eventually...I'm going to get Charlie back as soon as possible." Said Connie sounding confident.

"I'm not sure I'll be rushing to forgive her...she's not the person I remember...the Elle I knew would never have hung a colleague out to dry." Murmured Jacob sadly. "Why did she have to go and stick her nose in anyway...it's nothing to do with her!"

"Dr Gardener what's to please to big boss Jacob, surely you've noticed that!" Wondered Connie. "Hanssen got a tip off...the woman who had the pain killers stolen went to the press, it'll be in tomorrow's paper...I made fun of him for worrying."

"You didn't!" Smirked Jacob.

"Of cause I did!...it'll be a small article next to a giant full colour advertisement campaign...I told him he should offer the board half price double glazing...I don't know why but he didn't find it very funny." Shrugged Connie as Jacob laughed. "I will sort this mess out...Charlie will never give up the person he's protecting...it'll have to be a case of the guilty party being caught out or coming forward...I hope it's the latter."

"I hope so too." Said Jacob.

"Why do I get the feeling your on a guilt trip...none of this is your fault you know." Connie assured him.

"I should have seen it coming...Elle was my friend-" "your not responsible for that woman's actions!" Insisted Connie.

"When you passed us talking on the stairs...she was on theoretical ship that was sinking, on about how the passengers were all good people but someone would have to go overboard...I should have know what she was planning...put a stop to it!" He told her.

Connie put her hand on his back. "Hindsight is a wonderful thing...nobody is going to blame you Jacob."

"Maybe not but I'll know...I could have stopped Charlie's suspension if I'd have spoken up and put a stop to Elle's power trip!" Said Jacob defiantly.

"It's. Not. Your. Fault!" She told him but he seemed miles away, starring intently at something on the floor and nudged him when she realized what held his attention. "Stop looking at my feet!"

Jacob turned his head to look at her face, a playful glint in his eye. "I like that colour." He said referring to the dark red polish she had on her toe nails.

"Jacob, you've seen me with my shoes off before-" "I know...it's just been a while...I miss seeing you like this...relaxed." He confessed. "You've not seemed very happy just lately."

Connie stood quickly ready to get back to work. "I'm fine, just busy." She lied. "Erm...next weekend...there's a conference...it was supposed to be Charlie coming with me but obviously with everything that's happening at the moment...I don't suppose you'd step in would you..." asked Connie a little nervously.

"Shouldn't it fall to Rita?" Questioned Jacob.

"It probably should...yes, but... I'm not sure I could play nice with her all weekend." Smirked Connie. "If you have plans it's fine...it's not compulsory-" "No...I can go...I'd like to go...the whole weekend you say?" Beamed Jacob wagging his eyebrows at her.

Connie gave him a shy smile. "Behave Staff Nurse Masters!" She said, it not really sounding like I warning.

Jacob stood and moved to the door still smiling. "I'll see you tomorrow...and thanks for the chat..."

"No problem...don't forget what I said...your always welcome in here and none of this mess today was your fault...it'll blow over." Said Connie kindly.

"Thanks...don't stay here to long...night."

"Goodnight." Said Connie as she watched him leave looking much happier.


	8. Chapter 8- daddy Jacob

_**Oh my Lord...last night's episode (where the truth lies) so much #Jonnie...what with the giggling then baby Rihanna...*content sigh***_

 _ **So I think we can safely say Connie has seen Jacob and his natural baby skills, this is my take on that...**_

 _ **C.J xxx**_

She'd heard about them but never seen for herself, at least not until today.

Connie had overheard a small part of a conversation about how natural Jacob seemed with baby Rihanna the last time she had been admitted, about how he'd changed her nappy like he'd done a thousand before. It made her smile for a few minutes as she imagined the scene and she may have spent a second wondering where he leant these skills, but that's all. She'd not given it much thought at all.

That's until she saw it first hand.

He strode into the E.D carrying baby Rihanna, holding her close, tenderly trying to sooth her. She couldn't take her eyes off him has he gently laid her on the bed. Connie watched from the other side of the room as a tiny hand held onto his finger, he looked completely comfortable and content to coo over her.

It was true what she'd heard, he was a natural and it suited him.

Connie sat in her office, she could hear some of the staff saying their goodbyes as another shift had drawn to a close but she kept working. Well trying to, her mind wandering back to the image of Jacob and Rihanna was enough to slow her progress.

"Hey sweet cheeks..." Greeted Jacob wandering into her office and making himself comfortable on the sofa. "...what you thinking about?"

"Umm...what?" She asked, his question falling on deaf ears.

Getting up she decided to join him on the sofa. "Sorry...I was miles away."

"I could tell..." smiled Jacob putting his arm around her shoulders so she could lean into him. "...do you want to talk about it?"

Connie debated making something up to avoid the uncomfortable subject but her curiosity got the better of her. "I was actually wondering where you'd got all your practice from...you were really good with Rihanna today."

Jacob shrugged. "No where in particular...work mostly..a few of my friends have kids."

"Oh..." Of all the things she'd imagined him saying nothing that simple had crossed her mind. "...I thought you were going to tell me you'd got half a football team out there somewhere." She said with a chuckle.

"Nope...well...not that I know of..." he smiled. "...I love kids...I just never found anyone I wanted them with..." Jacob let the sentence trail off. Leaving his unspoken statement linger between them.

"I think you'd be a great dad." No matter how true her words were, Connie couldn't believe she'd let them fall out of her mouth, silently chastising herself for not changing the subject to something safer with less weight.

"Yes...well...times ticking." Said Jacob sounding dejected.

"Your a guy...I didn't realise you had a biological clock..." teased Connie trying to lighten the mood. "...all you need to do it find a willing young woman!"

"You sound like your trying to get rid of me..." said Jacob pretending to be hurt. "...besides...I not going anywhere queen Bee...it would mean having kids with you or not at all..." Jacob, completely oblivious to the gravity of his statement stood and pulled Connie up with him. "...come on let's get out of here...grab some food before you have to pick Grace up."

Connie was blown away, Jacob had knocked her for six. "I...Erm...Ye...sure...I'll catch you up...I've just got to file some paperwork." She lied. What she did need to do was steady her nerves, as soon as Jacob left her office to change out of his uniform she flopped back down on the chair, head in hands.

Why did she have to bring up the subject, why couldn't she just have left it alone. She'd know idea how long she'd sat there for when the sound of her office door closing heavily made her jump.

"Connie what's going on?" Demanded Jacob crouching down in front of her.

"Nothing...well...not nothing...it's what you said...just now." She said with a sigh.

"What about?" Wondered Jacob.

"About how it would have to be me to make you a dad." She blurted out before she could change her mind.

"Is it the fact that you don't see a future for us or because you don't want anymore kids..." Jacob needed clarification. Desperate for her not to say she didn't see a future for them.

"The baby part." She mumbled.

"Connie...I'm fine with no kids...it wasn't me that brought up the idea...it was you...I mean I don't have this craving to be a dad...it would be great but not must have...I'm not about to leave you because you won't give me a child...besides we've only just got back on track...why are we even having this conversation?" Quizzed Jacob feeling a little perplexed. "Shall we just forget all this...go get something to eat?" He gave her a warm smile trying to put her mind at rest.

"I think...it's a little late for that." Said Connie gazing down at her hands.

"The takeaway near mine is open till-" "Not food!" Snapped Connie.

Jacob frowned. "Too late for what then?"

"To forget about what we've just talked about." Connie started to panic, tears ran over her cheeks.

Jacob let out an audible sigh as he pulled Connie to him. "Please tell me what you mean."

"Its to late...I'm late..." She told him pulling back so she could see his face. "...I'm late..." She repeated hoping he would understand what she was saying.

"What?" Jacob was struggling to comprehend what was happening.

"I'm a week late...I'm never late...I've done a test." She couldn't be any clearer without actually saying the word and she really couldn't face saying it, not until she knew for sure.

"Your?" Jacob's eyes were wide.

"I don't know...I did the test...wrapped it in tissue and hid it in my desk...I'm scared Jacob!" She confessed.

"We're in this together...I've got you Connie...we'll be ok...more than ok...if you are, and its not what you want then that's fine too..." said Jacob trying to comfort her. "...should I look...find out what we're dealing with?"

Connie gave him a small nod. "Second draw."

Jacob went over to her desk, searching for the test. "Wow." Was all he said as he pulled back the tissue.

Connie looked at Jacob, stood behind her desk staring down at the results, his hands shaking. "Its positive." She guessed.

"Ye..."

Connie brushed the tears from her face and sucked in a deep breath before approaching Jacob, taking the test to examine it herself. Not because she didn't believe him but because she needed to see it for herself.

"How do you feel?" Jacob asked.

"Numb...I don't know what to think...what about you?" Wondered Connie.

"Me? I don't know...I'm following your lead Connie...I promise whatever you decide I'll be with you one hundred percent." Jacob told her but deep down hoping and praying for good news.

"I'm not going to terminate Jacob..." She said sounding defeated and tired. "...as scared as I am and as crazy as this is...I could do it...I won't do it...I just need time to come to terms with this...Grace doesn't even know about us yet-" Jacob stopped her with a kiss, a kiss full of relief. "I love you Connie Beauchamp."

They held onto each other tightly, supporting each other as they let the news sink in.

 _ **How I wish this was how the episode ended! Thank god for fan fiction.**_

 _ **Thanks for reading**_

 _ **C.J xxx**_


	9. Chapter 9 - Cuckoo

On the spring trailer I can hear Jacob say, "nobody likes a cuckoo in the nest." This is my thoughts on that comment and the recent spoilers.

"Have you got a minute?" Asked Jacob nervously as he put his head round the door to Connie's office.

"Erm...I was just heading home...could it wait till tomorrow?" Asked Connie putting on her coat.

"Its...I guess..." Sighed Jacob rubbing his hand over the back of his neck.

Connie's brow creased as she watched him quickly disappear. "Jacob?" She called after him.

Trying to catch up, Connie called again. "Jacob!...Wait a minute..." Concerned with his behaviour she continued to follow him out of the main entrance. He was able to move much faster so Connie opted for jumping into her car. Throwing her bag onto the passenger seat she started the car and quickly took off after him. Pulling round the corner out of the car park Connie put down the window on the passenger side. "Jacob!...I'm sorry...please?" Shouted Connie through the window. "Will you just stop moving!" She snapped.

Jacob bent down leaning on the car door. "Just forget it...it's fine."

"No it's not...get in...there's something on your mind...please..." Connie tried again as she moved her handbag into the back.

Jacob let out a audible sigh before opening the door and climbing in.

"You want a lift home?" Asked Connie wondering what had got him so worked up.

"Sure...don't you have Grace to pick up?" Said Jacob.

"She went to her friends house straight from school." Explained Connie. "So...what's bothering you?" She asked, pulling away from the curb and heading in the direction of Jacob's house.

"This is difficult for me..." Mumbled Jacob looking out the window at the passing traffic.

"Because you find it hard to talk to me?" Guessed Connie sadly.

"Well...yes...but it's not just that...it's...I don't like doing this..." He said looking over at Connie as she paid attention to the road.

"Doing what exactly?" Questioned Connie and when all she got was silence as her reply it dawned on her, Jacob hated going behind people's backs. "I'm listening." She told him seriously but got no response. "...Jacob if there's something I need to know..."

Connie turned the corner on to Jacob's street, pulling up outside his home she turned off the engine. Twisting in her seat she looked at Jacob. "I'll keep your name out it...whatever IT is...I'll find a way to keep you anonymous..." Promised Connie.

"It's nothing like that..." Started Jacob. "...I found something out last week...if I say something I betray a friend...if I don't...I'm struggling with my conscious Connie." Confessed Jacob.

"Jacob if what you know effects the E.D or your colleagues..." Pushed Connie.

"It concerns you..." Said Jacob watching her reaction.

"Me?...Have I done something..." "No." Jacob stopped her.

"This friend your trying to protect doesn't happen to be Elle by any chance, does it?" Guessed Connie sounding dejected.

Connie got her answer when Jacob clicked off his seat belt and climbed out of the car slamming the door shut.

Muttering to herself Connie went after him. "Jacob...Will you stop running away from me!"

"Now that's novel." He said over his shoulder.

"Excuse me!" Bit Connie.

"Me running from you...that's your usually your trick!" He said as he unlocked the door.

Locking her car Connie stormed up the path after Jacob stopping him from closing the door. "Below the belt that one Jacob...Don't you think?...You know why had to end things between us!...You make it sound like I wanted to walk away...like...like I wanted it to be this way between us!" Said Connie frustrated with the whole situation.

"Sorry." Said Jacob moving out of Connie's way so she could enter. "Can I get you a drink...tea, coffee...I still have a bottle of the wine you like in the fridge..." Offered Jacob as he took Connie's coat and hung it up.

"Coffee...you know what...a small glass of wine would be good...it's been one of those days." Explained Connie.

"Have a seat." Said Jacob moving into the kitchen.

When he came back into the living room Jacob waited patiently as Connie finished a phone call.

"But you don't have any things sweetie...maybe you should wait till next week...ok, let me talk to her mum..." Connie looked up noticing Jacob hovering in the doorway. "Its Grace." She told him before going back to the call. "Oh...hi...Erm Grace said it was ok for her to stay over but she doesn't have anything with her...are you sure...I could drop some off...really...ok...as long as your sure...I'll pick her up at 10 tomorrow then...ok...thank you...bye." Connie hung up the phone.

"Sounds like you've got the night off..." Commented Jacob passing Connie her wine and taking a drag from his bottle of beer.

"Looks that way..." Said Connie as she sat down and waited for Jacob to join her. "...so do you want to tell me what's going on or do I keep guessing?"

"I know you don't like Elle..." said Jacob looking down at his hands.

"I don't know why...She doesn't sit well with me...and I'm sorry, I know she's your friend but I can't ignore my gut." Said Connie.

"Well it turns out your 'gut' was right." Sighed Jacob shaking his head.

"What?" Asked Connie confused.

Jacob took another much longer pull from his bottle. "I hate doing this...I feel bad...I wasn't going to say anything!"

"Please...Jacob."

"She's spying for Hanssen..." murmured Jacob hanging his head.

"She's...but why?...I don't understand..."

"I don't know why...I just know that she is...She was asking some leading questions and I called her on it..." Jacob told her.

"I don't believe it...no...I take that back...I wouldn't put anything passed Hanssen!" Snapped Connie.

"I don't know if it helps to know this, but I think the two of them have some history...it's just the vibe I get." Jacob informed her.

Connie picked up her wine from the table in front of her and drank half of it. "Thank you for the heads up." She said honestly. "I realize it must have been difficult..."

"Oh believe me when I say I thought long and hard about whether to say anything...I wasn't going to...Elle...She was my best friend...and..." "and I've hurt you!" Finished Connie sadly.

"So what will you do?" Wondered Jacob.

"I don't know...I had a feeling Elle wanted my job...But I had no idea Hanssen wanted me out...because let's be honest, that's what this is all about!" Said Connie angrily.

"Maybe not..." shrugged Jacob.

"What else could they be up to?" Snapped Connie

Jacob looked at her. "I didn't ask...I've really no idea."

"Hanssen what's a 'yes man' and Elle's it." Theorized Connie. "May I?" She asked holding up her empty glass.

"Sure." Nodded Jacob watching as she disappeared into the kitchen and return with the open bottle of wine and another beer for him.

"You haven't forgot you drove here...right?" Said Jacob with a grin.

"I'll ring for a taxi..." She grumbled. "...I need this." Stopping short of pouring her drink Connie looked up, shock on her face. "Sorry...I think I forgot myself a little...I can go-" "No...stay..." Jacob took the bottle from her hand and filled her glass. "...I still care about you...that hasn't changed...I know I've been...distant...with you...to be honest...it's getting harder...to keep up the pretence...I don't know how you do it!" Jacob said puzzled with a frown.

"Do what?" Asked Connie ever so slightly bemused.

"Make me forget that you hurt me..." Jacob reached for her hand, lacing his fingers with hers. "I've tried to hate you...but I can't...there's this pull that I feel...bringing back to you...and I know once I get to close you'll push me away...but I can't help it...I've never known anyone effect me the way you do." Jacob revealed.

Connie stared down at their joined hands. "I miss you..." She told him quietly. "But if I give in to these feelings I'll lose Grace, for good this time." Tears gathered in her eyes.

"Do you think she'll change her mind?" Wondered Jacob.

"She gets her stubborn streak from me...so your guess is as good as mine." Smirked Connie.

The two of them sat together taking about all the little things, nothing serious or heavy just enjoying each other's company.

The evening slowly drifted by just as they drifted together, now ever so slightly leaning into each other as they share another joke.

Connie finished the last on the wine and placed her glass on the table next to half a dozen empty beer bottle.

Growing serious again Connie lent on Jacob's shoulder and he welcomed her immediately with a hug. "Thank you for telling me about Elle." She said enjoying the comfort and the security of being wrapped in Jacob's embrace.

"Anything for you sweet cheeks...besides, nobody likes a cuckoo in the nest." He told her before kissing the top of her head.

"Is that what you think she is?" Asked Connie smirking at him.

"I really do." Nodded Jacob pulling Connie closer still. "She's changed, she's not the person I remember...She's swooped into the E.D with Hanssen's grand plans up her sleeve...he's let you do all the hard work for her to take over...just like a cuckoo!"

"I like your analogy." Said Connie looking up into Jacob's eyes. "Will you kiss me?" She asked.

"I don't think that's a good idea..." Reasoned Jacob.

"Why?" Asked Connie a little surprised.

"Because if I kiss you now then I'm not gunna want to stop." Admitted Jacob smiling down at her.

"Then don't stop!" Connie said gazing up at him with a smile of her own.

"And in the morning...when you realize the implications, you'll run a mile..." Jacob assumed.

"No!..I'll find a way for us Jacob...I can't do this anymore..." Connie tried to assured him. "I really have missed you...this...talking with you...there has to be a way!"

That's all it took for Jacob to act, he claimed her mouth hungrily. Clinging to her, ravishing her. Desperately trying to express all his pent up emotions with that one kiss.


	10. Chapter 10 - Telling Grace

_**My take on why Connie was holding back on telling Grace...**_

"I just don't think Grace is ready yet to know your my, you know..."

"You can't even say it can you? BOYFRIEND. So, what is it, 'cause I'm a nurse, because I didn't go to private school?"

"No...that's not true and you know it!" Said Connie gob smacked.

"Let's hear it then!" Pushed Jacob. "Because I can't think why you keep putting it off, Grace needs to know, we can't keep sneaking around like this!"

"I'll tell her when I think she's ready!" Hissed Connie.

"When she's ready? Or you!" Bit Jacob.

Connie moved to walk away but Jacob put a hand on her side. "I think your just not ready for this...so if I'm wasting my time here then please let me know... do you even want to be in a relationship with me?" Questioned Jacob.

"Of cause I do...you know I do!" Frowned Connie but Jacob just stood there looking at her, waiting.

"Jacob!...I...it's difficult." She struggled. "I..." Connie let out a sigh. "I can't do this here, I've got a child minder tonight...can we talk?"

"Do we need ANOTHER hotel?" Asked Jacob feeling frustrated.

She shuck her head taking hold of his hand. "No...I'll meet you at yours, about six?" Offered Connie.

"Mine? Your sure?" Asked Jacob. Connie gave him a small nod. "Okay, I'll see you later then." Agreed Jacob and watched her walk off down the corridor.

It was just gone six o'clock when Jacob heard a timid knock at the door. He took a deep breath and went to answer it.

"Hi, come in." Said Jacob moving to one side. "You want me to hang your coat up?"

"Thanks." Said Connie quietly passing him her coat before wondering through to the living room.

"You look nervous." Stated Jacob watching her stand in the middle of the room ringing her hands together.

Connie didn't acknowledge him. So he move closer and pulled her into a hug which she returned, holding onto him tightly.

"I do want this Jacob...us. I really do." Connie said looking up at him with unshed tears in her eyes.

Jacob led her to the sofa and she sat down next to him. Flicking off her shoes she cuddled into his side and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I find this hard...talking...about personal things." Started Connie. "I don't even know if you'll even like me after I've explained...but I need you to understand, I'm not ashamed to be with you Jacob."

Jacob wrapped her up in his arms and held onto her. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things, I shouldn't have pushed. I'm a patient man Connie. I was just feeling frustrated...I've missed spending time with you and I hate lying to Grace. It wasn't my intention to upset you Connie, I never want to do that." Jacob assured her.

"I know." Connie gave him a sad smile before looking down at her hands.

"I know I've let you off the hook by saying that, but if you still want to talk about what's bothering you...I promise I'll still like you afterwards." Said Jacob kissing the top of Connie's head.

"I appreciate you giving me an 'out', I really do, but I owe you an explanation." Insisted Connie finding her strength.

"My ex husband, Michael, he was the chairman of the hospital board here at Holby and be talked me into lying for him. Michael was responsible for an outbreak of MRSA...are you sure you want to hear this?" Connie asked starting to feel unsure of herself.

"I'm sure. He was your husband Connie, you were loyal to him, I understand that." Said Jacob.

"Would you still say that if I told you that his actions, covering up the outbreak resulted in the death of a patient?" Asked Connie as a tear rolled over her cheek. "He falsified their death certificates and when the board found out he talked me into taking the blame he told me my job would be safe. I knew how much his place on the Trust meant, so I lied for him. I told the board that it was my idea to falsify the death certificates." Connie angrily wiped away another tear.

"But my job wasn't safe, he lied to me! He used me! After I found out I could loose my job I went to confront him." Connie took a deep breath. "And that's when I found him in his office with one of the nursing staff. I realized then he was taking me for a fool."

"Sweet cheeks." Said Jacob with a sigh and leaning down to kiss her but she pulled away.

"It wasn't the cheating Jacob, I've always knew he cheated..." Connie sat up, putting her feet back on the floor. Leaning forward she rested her elbows on her knees and put her head in her hands. "I cheated on him to." She added quietly.

"Connie?" Frowned Jacob leaning forward to look at her.

"I'm really not a nice person Jacob." Sighed Connie. She turned her head to look at him and saw a look of panic flash through his eyes. "NO! Don't think that! I haven't! I wouldn't, not to you! Jacob?" When he didn't say anything Connie started to panic. "Oh god...I knew I shouldn't be telling you this!" Said Connie standing up and moving across the room. "Your going to hate me!"

Jacob instantly went to her, taking hold of her face between his hands he kissed her with everything thing he had. All the passion he felt inside for her he put into that kiss. When he felt her start to relax he eased away slowly. "I don't hate you. I won't hate you...I thought you were trying to tell me...you know...that...I'm sorry. Come sit back down...please?"

Connie let him lead her back to the sofa where her urged her to cuddle back into his side.

"I couldn't cheat on you Jacob." Said Connie. Before she continued. "It was the fact that he was laughing with her...they were laughing at me! That's what finally made me speak up, not because everything thing that had happened was wrong but because he made me feel so small. I set him up, I told him the person running the investigation was willing to be bribed, he unwittingly confessed all!"

"What happened to him?" Asked Jacob rubbing Connie's back.

"He was arrested for fraud, he got a ten month jail sentence...which in light of what he did doesn't seem right somehow. When he was released he came to see me, he actually had the nerve to asked me to leave the country with him. I was heartbroken Jacob, the one person I thought I could trust, the one person I thought I could count on. I know my relationship with him was far from perfect but I did love him, even after everything he did..." explained Connie wiping away more tears. "What the hell have you done to me Jacob...I don't cry! Now look at the state of me! I think your turning me soft!" Chuckled Connie trying to lighten the mood.

"Thank you for telling me." Said Jacob honestly.

"I needed you to understand, my reluctance to tell Grace...it's not because of you. If I tell Grace it makes this more real, it's moving forward."

"Weren't you in a relationship with Sam?" Asked Jacob trying to understand why she found it hard to trust him.

Connie sat up turning to look at him. "I told you. Sam was a sperm donor." Connie looked down not wanting to the look in his eyes. "I used him Jacob. Sam was a registrar working under me...I knew he had feelings for me and I wanted a baby. I had the career, the house, the car...what I didn't want was the man! When I got pregnant I dropped him. I sound like a real bitch now, right?" Asked Connie. She looked up at Jacob expecting to find disappointment written all over his face. Instead he was smiling at her with a hint of amazement.

"I always knew you was a determined woman Connie Beauchamp, I just never knew how determined you actually was." Said Jacob.

Connie smiled at him shaking her head. "Why aren't you running a mile? You should be running for the hills after everything I just told you!" Said Connie disbelieving.

"Because I love you." Jacob said simply.

The smile disappeared for Connie's face. "What did you say?"

Jacob lent forward to place a gentle kiss on her lips. He remained only a inch away from her as he repeated his words. "I said, I love you. I'm in love with you Connie, I have for a while now, can't you see that?...I'm not going anywhere no matter how hard you try and push me away!"

Connie surged forward kissing Jacob fiercely as she straddled his lap. Connie pulled away and gave him a small shy smile, never once breaking eye contact, her expression turned serious. "Don't hurt me Jacob." She said as one more tear made its way down her face.

"I won't." Said Jacob wiping it away.

Connie answered. "Because I love you too."

"You do?" Asked Jacob stunned.

Connie gave him a shy smile. "Very much."

Jacob smiled up at Connie as he pulled her down for another kiss, it was slow and deliberate as they explored each other's mouths.

Connie pulled away. "Take me to bed Jacob." She said breathlessly.

Connie laid in Jacob's bed wrapped securely in his arms, she was tracing invisible patterns on his bare chest. "I will tell Grace about us Jacob...I want to tell her...just in my own time." Said Connie breaking the comfortable silence.

"Whatever you need sweet cheeks...I'm not going anywhere." Jacob told her as he kissed the top of her head.

"You don't think she'll be upset do you?" Wondered Jacob.

"I honestly don't know how she'll react, I know Grace likes you..." Said Connie lifting her self up onto her elbow so she could look at him. "...but she did tell me earlier that she was happy just the two of us."

"I'll follow your lead." Jacob told her. "The last thing I want to do is get between you and Grace."

Connie smiled down at him and kissed him. "Thankyou...for understanding and listening to all that stuff earlier."

"You have nothing to thank me for sweet cheeks." I Jacob told her.

"I should be getting home, Grace's sitter finishes soon." Said Connie reluctantly sitting up and moving out of bed.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" Asked Jacob not wanting to be apart from her.

"Yes, I have the early shift." Nodded Connie as she got dressed.

Jacob walked Connie to the door when she was ready to leave. "I wish you didn't have to go." He told her.

"I know, I feel the same...it won't always be like this, I promise." Said Connie reaching up for a kiss. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Night." Replied Jacob closing the door behind her.

It had been a hectic day in the E.D and Connie was snowed under with paperwork. "Mum, I bored...can I go find Jacob?" Asked Grace, she had been sat in her mum's office since she finished school and was beginning to feel restless.

"Sure." Smiled Connie. "But if he's busy come straight back here."

"Hey Jacob." Said Grace wondering up to him.

"Well hello there firecracker." He smiled kindly at her. "Fancy helping clean down this cubicle?"

"Erm...how about I keep you company instead?" Grinned Grace cheekily.

"Your mother's daughter that's for sure!" Said Jacob shaking his head. "So what have you got to tell me?" He continued.

"Mum said she's gunna cook us some dinner tonight." Said Grace pulling a face.

"And what's wrong with that?" Asked Jacob trying to keep a smirk at bay.

"Last week she burnt a salad! That's what's wro -" Grace's hand flew to her mouth and her eyes went wide causing Jacob to chuckle.

"Now that is some interesting information...I need to know more!" Jacob teased.

"No! Mum said I wasn't aloud to tell anyone! Please don't say anything." Begged Grace.

"Oh I don't know." Said Jacob clearly giving it some thought. "How am I supposed to pass up the opportunity to tease your mum!"

"Your really not scared of her are you!" Stated Grace.

"Nope...so come on then...how did the salad get burnt?" Asked Jacob enjoying himself.

"But mum will know it came me if you tease her! Jacob! You'll make her angry!" Whined Grace.

"I promise she won't get angry." Said Jacob.

"Well I think your taking your life in your hands!" Giggled Grace. "Mum made us a jacket potato, after we sat down to eat she realised it wasn't cooked through properly so she put it in the microwave!" Said Grace shaking her head.

"But how did she burn the salad?" Asked Jacob confused.

"The salad was still on the plate with the potato!" Exclaimed Grace.

Jacob started laughing. "She microwaved salad?!...oh I'm gunna have some fun with this." He smiled at Grace.

"Well this so isn't fair! You get all the fun...I could get grounded for telling you that!" Grace stuck her bottom lip out.

"Ok...what's the deal?"

"Right...if you tease mum about the salad then...you have to help cook tonight! I really don't want to risk mum's food." Insisted Grace.

"Okay...but what if your mum says I can't come round?" Asked Jacob.

"She will." Grace smiling knowingly as she waltzed off. "Are you coming or are you chicken?" She shouted over her shoulder.

"I am not chicken little Miss Beauchamp!" Said Jacob definitely as he followed her.

Grace walked into her mum's office and sat down in the chair facing the desk.

"Did you find him?" Asked Connie with her head down still working.

"Yep, I invited him for tea. Is that ok?" Asked Grace casually.

Connie still had her head down, distracted with her writing. "Sure -wait! What?" Said Connie as her head shot up.

"You said I could invite a friend for tea...I invited Jacob!" Explained Grace as she sat there starring blankly at her mum.

"Erm...oh...Ok." Said Connie confused. That's when she noticed Jacob lingering in the doorway smiling.

"Did you put her up to this?" Asked Connie looking at Jacob.

"Nothing to do with me...in fact...if anyone put Grace up to this, it was you!" Said Jacob with a smirk.

"How's that?" Connie was frowning as she looked between Grace and Jacob.

Jacob moved into the office and sat down on the sofa. "You've traumatized my friend Grace here..." Connie looked to Grace worried that she'd done something wrong, but Grace sat there smiling at her. Turning back to Jacob she asked. "What on earth or you going on about? Don't you have work to do?"

"I heard all about what you did to that poor lettuce... and no. My shift just finished." Said Jacob answering both her questions.

The frown stayed on her face as she looked at him. 'Whats he on with? What lettuce?' Connie thought to herself. And then it dawned on her. She slowly turned to face Grace. "You told him?!" Spluttered Connie.

"He made me tell him!" Exclaimed Grace pointing to Jacob.

"It's true." Jacob spoke up defending Grace but earned himself a glare from Connie which made him chuckle.

Grace watched as her mum struggled to keep the serious look on her face, she could see the slightest hit of a smile appearing. 'Yes! She likes him!' Said Grace to herself.

"Well if you two think my cookings that funny...I'll put my feet up and watch you make tea!" Said Connie picking up her things and moving to the door.

"Well that was the idea!" Said Grace following her. "Come on Jacob!"

Connie opened the front door letting Grace and Jacob in. "Grace go get changed out of your uniform."

"Okay." She said running upstairs.

As Grace disappeared Connie took hold of Jacob's hand and led him into the kitchen. "What's happening here?" She asked smiling.

"I've know idea...Grace asked and I accepted on the condition it was ok with you...Did you really put salad in the microwave?" Said Jacob.

Connie jabbed him on the arm and walked off. "It was an accident, I didn't mean to, I wasn't thinking!" Said Connie laughing. "Can I get you a drink?" She reached up into the kitchen cabinet to get a couple of glasses when she felt Jacob's arms go around her waist. Putting the wine glasses on the work top she turned in his embrace. "Grace will be back in a minute." She told him.

"This will only take a second." Said Jacob leaning down and kissing her soundly before moving away leaving Connie speechless. "I'd love a drink thank you."

"So Jacob what shall we make for tea?" Shouted Grace as she ran down the stairs.

"I don't know." He told her as she walked into the kitchen. "What was your mum going to make?" Asked Jacob looking at Connie who was pouring some wine.

She picked up the two glasses and passed one to Jacob on her way out the kitchen. "Don't look at me, I cook salad...I'm off to get changed." And then she was gone taking her drink with her.

Grace looked at Jacob and smiled. "Well let's have a look what we've got to work with then." Said Jacob opening the fridge and pulled out some steak. "You like stir fry?"

"Yep...I don't like onions though!" Grace informed him before asking. "Do you like my mum?"

"What?" Asked Jacob a little surprised.

"Do you like my mum?" Said Grace again.

"Ye...sure of cause I do." Shrugged Jacob feeling a bit nervous as to where Grace's questions were going.

"I can tell. You have got to be the only person I've ever met that's not scared of her!" Said Grace. "You should ask her out coz I think she likes you to!"

Jacob was gobsmacked and didn't know what to say. "Erm...what makes you think that?...that your mum likes me, that is?"

"Well mum would never let someone she works with do this." Pointing at the food he was taking out the fridge."..no way! And...I noticed something today..." Grace stopped talking to check her mum wasn't listening, then she whispered. "She was pretending to be mad at you in the office."

"Wow...erm...shall we start tea then?" Asked Jacob wanting to change the subject.

"What shall I do?" Asked Grace rolling up her sleeves.

Connie came back downstairs freshly showered wearing leggings and loosely fitted jumper, she stood bare footed in the doorway watching Jacob and Grace working away.

"How's it going? Need any help?" She asked walking in and sitting down at the table.

"NO!" Said both Grace and Jacob at the same time.

"I've got feelings you know!" Frowned Connie pretending to be hurt.

"What we meant was...no...you relax...everything's under control. Right Grace?" Asked Jacob looking for backup.

"Yep...that's exactly what we meant." Smiled Grace.

"Nice save Staff Nurse Masters!" Connie chuckled.

"Mmmm...this tastes wonderful you two." Said Connie taking a bite of her food. "I think maybe you should cook more often." Connie smiled at Jacob.

"I think so too...maybe you should give mum cooking lessons Jacob." Said Grace winking at him.

It didn't go unnoticed by Connie but she chose not to draw attention to it. Instead decided to play along. "That sounds like a good idea...as long as Jacob has the time that is."

"I'm sure I could show you a few quick easy dishes to get you started." Agreed Jacob.

The rest of the meal was filled with small talk.

"Thank you Jacob, I really enjoyed that." Said Grace standing up and taking her plate to the sink. "Am I okay to go do my homework mum?"

Connie frowned. "You said earlier you didn't have any!"

"I've just remembered I do." She smiled sweetly. "See you later Jacob."

"Bye." Said Jacob just as confused as Connie. He was just about to ask Connie what that was all about when his phone beeped. "Ask her!" Said the text message, Jacob smiled.

"What is it?" Wondered Connie.

Jacob showed Connie his phone screen. "Ask who, what?" Inquired Connie.

"I think your daughters trying to set us up. She wants me to ask you out. And before you say anything I haven't been putting any ideas in her head, it was you. She saw you pretending to be mad about the salad jibes earlier. Apparently it means you like me!" Explained Jacob.

"Oh!" Said Connie surprised. "So what do we do now? Let her think it was all her doing or tell her we're already together?" She pondered.

"Now that's entirely up to you..." Insisted Jacob taking her head and pulling her up from the table, leading her into the room they sat together on the sofa.

Connie rested her head on his shoulder. "I think we should tell her the truth, I don't want to start lying to her." Said Connie.

"I agree." Said Jacob leaning down to kiss her.

They sat there quietly, leisurely kissing, just happy to be close to each other. "Shall we do it now?" Asked Connie pulling away.

Jacob smirked and raised his eyebrow at her. "Get your mind out the gutter! I'm talking about telling Grace." Exclaimed Connie swatting his arm.

"Are you sure? It was only yesterday you were saying you weren't ready. I not pushing you Connie. I'll think of something to tell Grace if she says anything else...there's no pressure. We're going at your pace, I want you to feel comfortable." Said Jacob.

"I've enjoyed tonight, I want to have more nights like this." Said Connie honestly.

Jacob was beaming. "I've enjoyed it to." He watched as Connie got up and went into the hall. "GRACE!" She shouted, before returning but this time sitting at the other end of the sofa away from Jacob.

"Yes mum?" Asked Grace walking into the room.

"Come sit down, I think we need to talk." Said Connie patting the seat next to her. "What's this about you wanting Jacob to ask me out?"

"Well you can clearly see that you two like each other!" Said Grace rolling her eyes.

"But you said yesterday that you liked it just the two of us." Ventured Connie.

"I do...but I like it when your happy more...I've seen how Jacob makes you smile mum!" Grace explained. "I am right aren't I? You do like Jacob don't you?" Asked Grace when her mum remained quite.

Connie turned, looking to Jacob she smiled before answering. "Yes, your right, I do like him. I like him a lot."

It was Grace's turn now to look at him. "Jacob! Do you like my mum?"

"I love your mum Grace." Said Jacob not breaking eye contact with Connie.

Grace through her hands in the air. "Well what's the problem then?" She asked.

"Well that's the thing I need to talk to you about...it's...I didn't know how to tell you..." Started Connie struggling. "We...we've...Jacob did asked me out..but not today...he... the thing is...we're..." Connie was feeling flustered and looked to Jacob for help.

"Me and you're mum are already together Grace, we didn't say anything because your mum didn't want to upset you." Jacob told Grace calmly.

"Really?" Grace asked Connie.

"Yes." Said Connie feeling nervous.

"How long have you been together?" Asked Grace looking between the couple.

"Four months." Said Jacob without thinking which surprised Connie. 'Had it really been four months' she thought 'It seemed like two minutes but at the same time it seemed a lot longer.'

Connie's thoughts were interrupted when Grace gave her a hug. "I'm glad your happy mum." Her told her.

"Thank you sweetie." Smiled Connie and watched as Jacob got a hug to.

"Night mum, night Jacob." Said Grace heading back upstairs.

Jacob moved over to sit beside Connie and pulled her close. "Wasn't as bad as you thought hey?" He asked.

"Shut up and miss me Staff Nurse Masters!"

"I love you."

"I love you too."


	11. Chapter 11 - Thoughts

_**From the episode 'the big day'. What I imagine is going through Connie's head, her thoughts and feelings.**_

She was never the victim, she was Connie Beauchamp and she was never the victim but Steph Simms had made her one. Her kindness, compassion and desire to protect those that couldn't protect themselves had made her and her daughter a target.

Her mighty walls had failed, all her defences she'd spent a lifetime erecting couldn't protect the one person she couldn't live without. There was nothing else for it, she'd build them thicker, taller and stronger, a castle for two.

She wouldn't be weak, she wouldn't let them see her licking her wounds or the vultures would circle. Sharks would swim from miles around at the slightest sniff of blood, she refused to let anyone take her crown. She IS Connie Beauchamp with claws, teeth and mask to cover a thousand scars. She will show them, she'll show Steph Simms and anyone one else that chooses to doubt, she'd come back fighting, tougher than ever.

She'd convinced herself she was ready to face work, why wouldn't she be? Work was what she did best. Work was safe, where she had control, she could be clinical lead, she could be an island. Not Connie the victim but the strong unwavering force, the voice of authority, the unapproachable professional clinical lead. Confident that no one would ask about her wellbeing, she could forget, for just a few hours she could not be the woman silently praying by her daughters bedside.

She didn't account for all the sympathetic glances that were thrown her way or for the fact that people wouldn't believe her. She was ready for work, she'd convinced herself, why not them?

She was angry and red was the only colour she could see. It wasn't personal when she tore a strip of someone, just for them to be in her vicinity made them fare game.

She had to fight, she couldn't not. There was a tiny voice in the back of her mind telling her to listen, that they may have a point, that her judgement had been clouded and she shouldn't have taken that father's word as gospel. But it didn't shout loud enough, she refused to hear it or them. She wouldn't accept reason or sympathy and I certainly wouldn't accept that she was wrong.

Elle gardener had no right to back her into a corner, she wouldn't stand for it. This is what she was built for, the fight and she had a passion for it. Like a wild animal defending its territory, snarling and lashing out with freshly sharpened claws that shone in the sun. She would not back down.

Elle was wrong in her eyes and he was wrong for standing in her corner. She was hurting Jacob and knew it, she could see it all over his face but she couldn't stop. She felt powerful for the first time in weeks and she didn't want to stop. It felt like winning, like she was back on top, she was strong enough to stand by herself, she didn't need support, not from elle and not from Jacob.

The trouble with anger, it makes you blind, tunnel visioned. If she was calmer, if she was willing to see reason she would probably have been able to see what they were trying to say, that they were in fact looking out for her. That Jacob, for as much as she'd ignored him, he was still there ready to catch her, she just needed to say the word.

As she sat with her daughter yet again, hiding from the world, hiding from herself, she knew that this time she'd pushed him to far. She tried to remember her words, she'd been that fuelled by rage the whole encounter seemed like an out of body experience. It wouldn't surprise her if he thought they were over, maybe he wanted them to be over, she couldn't blame him. She knew there was only so much rejection one person could take.

Grace opened her eyes and there's only one person she wants to tell... She can't believe he came running...he shouldn't have but he did...

She makes a silent promise to herself, never to push him away again, Jacob deserves better, but she knows how she can be and she knows she's made the same promise several times before.

She hopes this time is different.

 _ **Not sure about this...just some rambling thoughts. Hope you like.**_

 _ **Xxx**_


	12. Chapter 12 - Sorry

So this takes place after Jacob's left standing in the car park in Saturday's episode "The Fear".

I can believe how sad poor Jacob looked...I just wanted to give him a hug. He'd got his hopes up from that text...I think he thought Connie had already told Grace and everything was fine.

C.J xxx

"Night sweetie." Smiled Connie as she accepted a hug from her daughter.

"Night mum..." Said Grace looking a little sheepish. "...I'm sorry for walking out of camp...you were right about Carmel...we've made up."

"I'm glad..." Connie told her honestly. "...go get some sleep...I can take you back in the morning...if that's what you want."

"Thanks mum." Said Grace as she disappeared from the living room and headed up to bed.

Connie was left on the sofa alone, sat in the quiet room she began to contemplate the days events. How happy Jacob had looked in her office, how playful he was, he been I such a good mood and it was all because he was looking forward to spending time with her.

She remembered the sparkle fading from his eyes as he realized she hadn't told Grace yet, it felt horrible to leave him stood there as she drove away. Watching in the rear view mirror she saw his shoulders sag, she knew she'd not been fair to him especially after sending that text.

Picking up her phone she checked the screen, not even a message from him but couldn't she blame him.

Scrolling through her contracts Connie stopped at Jacob's name, her finger hovering over the call button. Should she...shouldn't she.

Connie pressed the green button, she listened to the line ring over and over again. She could feel disappointment rising in her chest, it had never occurred to her that he wouldn't answer. Five...six...seven rings there was still no answer.

Eight...nine. "Hi." Came Jacob's answer. He sounded so fed up, deflated and unimpressed.

"Jacob, I'm so sorry..." Connie blurted out. "...I was just about to tell her when she had a hissy fit about camp." She explained.

"I thought you'd already told her...when you sent me that text, I thought it was sorted...I felt ridiculous...I could have put my foot in it!" He snapped at her, letting all his frustrations out.

"I'm sorry...I really am..." She pleaded. "...I will tell her."

"Will you?" Asked Jacob, then quickly added. "I think maybe you just enjoy the sneaking around to much...it's less...serious-" "No..." denied Connie. "...Its not like that...I will tell her...I want to tell her...I really do..." She took a breath to steady herself. "...I know you don't believe me when I say I'm serious about this...about us, but I am...truly."

"Ye, well...it's all the mixed signals I'm getting." Murmured Jacob down the line.

"Come over." Insisted Connie out of the blue.

"What?" Jacob questioned her.

"Come over...spend the night and then in the morning we'll tell her together." Offered Connie with determination in her voice.

"You mean it?" Wondered Jacob.

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't." Said Connie.

"Okay...I'll see you soon." Agreed Jacob

"See you soon." She smiled as she hung up the phone.

Half an hour later Connie could hear a gentle tapping at the door, jumping up she rushed to it. Turning the lock without a sound to let Jacob in, she pressed her finger to her lips indicate that he was to be quiet.

Re-locking the door she took his hand in hers and led the way up the stairs. Only when they were safely shut away in her room did she break the silence. "She's not long gone to bed...I really don't want to wake her." She explained.

"You sure about all this?" Checked Jacob.

Giving him a bright smile and a nod Connie snagged a article of clothing from under her pillow and disappeared into the ensuite.

"Is that mine?" Queried Jacob recognising his t-shirt.

"Maybe." Came Connie's coy reply.

Jacob stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed waiting for her return.

"Do you mind?" Asked Connie from the doorway.

Jacob looked over and smiled. "Not at all..." He said eying Connie's bare legs, pulling back the covers Jacob watched as she climbed into bed beside him. "...it suits you."

The couple lay together peacefully, wrapped in each other arms. "So..." started Jacob, his voice full of mirth. "...is "salsa" definitely of the cards tonight."

His comment earned him a light slap on the chest from Connie. "Go to sleep muscles."

A chuckle rumbled through him. "Night sweet cheeks." He said kissing the top of her head.

The next morning Connie and Jacob woke early, they dressed before heading downstairs to make breakfast. "I better go wake Grace." Said Connie nervously.

"Con...if this really isn't what you want I'll go..." Offered Jacob sensing her unease. "...I'm not trying to force you to tell her...I just need to know where I stand."

Connie gave him a small smile as she moved to stand in front of him. "I want to tell her...you were right...if I don't then this..." She motioned between them. "...this sneaking around will go nowhere...and that's not what I want." Connie leaned up to place a soft kiss on Jacob's lips but as she pulled back he followed not wanting it to end.

Hearing a sound in the doorway Connie turned to find Grace scowling at them and the smirk she was wearing disappeared. "Grace...I was just coming to wake you."

"You lied to me!" Huffed Grace sending her mum a cold stare.

"I didn't..." Connie told her firmly. "...Come sit down...Jacob's made breakfast."

"Why should I?" Bit Grace.

"Because your mum asked you too." Jacob spoke up, his tone even and calm.

Grace had no choice but to listen, she flopped down at the kitchen table and watched as Jacob gave her mum's hand a reassuring squeeze before turning to plate up their breakfast.

"We did break up Grace but we got back together two weeks ago...I'm not going to ask for your permission Grace...I don't need it...but I promise things are different now...it will never be like it was before you went to your dads..." Connie told her confidently. "...I really like Jacob...and I know you do too...so we're doing this...there'll be no bargaining or conditions-" "Okay...Okay I get it." Grace snapped.

"Good..." smiled Connie looking at Jacob as he putting their food on the table. "...now let's eat...are you wanting to go back to camp or would you rather stay home?"

"Can I stay home or do you want me out the way." Grace murmured.

Jacob joined them at the table. "Your not in the way firecracker...all your mum and me want is for the three of us to be able to spend some time together."

"Its true Grace...I'd like it if you stayed home...I just thought you'd enjoy being with your friends...I know it's no fun being stuck in the E.D..." Connie insisted gently sending her a kind smile.

Grace reached over to give her mum a hug. "I'm not bothered as long as I can spend time with you."

Thanks for reading

C.J xxx


	13. Chapter 13 - Aftermath

Following on from this... TO BE CONTINUED after the crash :(

Jacob's mind was racing as he contemplated the events leading up to now.

It was supposed to be such a good day...a wonderful day. A day of celebration, for an amazing journey and the future. His thoughts took him to miles away, he wanted to remember anything but the carnage that today had turned into.

Hours ticked by, so many people tried to move him, pushing him to eat or rest. He knew there was nothing to be done, he'd never felt so helpless or alone. It sounded crazy, to feel alone when right now he was anything but, people busied themselves around him, nameless faces coming and going, offering their sympathy and support. Some came with advice, all meant in the best possible way of course...but none of it touched the sides. None could sooth his soul.

Connie Beauchamp, Ice Queen...but right now you wouldn't be able to name a more popular person. There was so many questions, they seemed to forget or at least not realize that repeating the facts over and over again kept him reliving the moment he first laid eyes on the crash site. The smell, it wouldn't leave him. The harsh chemical odour of petrol and burnt rubber, it permeated his clothes, he needed to shower and change but that would mean leaving her side, leaving her alone. He couldn't do that. He never wanted to. Ever. He knew he would have to eventually but right now he couldn't face it.

She looked so small, fragile, broken.

Her beautiful skin marked with scrapes from flying glass and bruises where her body was jolted around like a rag doll as the car tumbled to it resting place, but it was the angry gash on her forehead that had been the more serious injury. It didn't look like much on the surface, it was underneath where all the damage hid. A bleed on the brain. Such a small bleed that if it was anywhere else on her body it would quickly be dismissed, but it wasn't anywhere else...

Jacob held her hand, cold and small in his. Stroking his thumb gently across her knuckles as if it would comfort her. It helped to believe that it did. He hoped she knew he was with her. He rested his head on the bed at her side, exhaustion was setting in, his body drained and his mind numb, all his quiet tears had been shed. Placing a soft kiss on the back of her hand he drifted of to sleep on the crisp cotton sheets that covered her peaceful body.

Jacob's dreams where fitful, plagued with flashed backs of blood covered clothes and frantic shouts. He could hear Connie calling his name, desperately begging for him to help Grace, to help her. He woke with a start, he knew it was a dream, she'd never called out to him because she couldn't. Rubbing his face to try and rid himself of the vivid visions that hung over his head like a dark cloud.

Through the haze he heard her voice again, quiet and raspy. "Jacob."

His stomach leapt and a bright grin broke out across his features. "Hey sweet cheeks..." He said greeting her, retaking her hand and bringing it to his lips. "...you've given us all a scare."

"Grace!" She panicked calling out. "Where's Grace?"

"Ssh...you'll wake her..." Jacob nodded across the room. "...she's going to be fine...broken wrist, sprained ankle, cuts and bruises...you've both been very lucky..." He explained smiling down at her. "...you saved her...She said you held in her seat."

A lone tear rolled down her cheek. "She's really okay?"

"Yes...you both will be...God I thought I'd lost you." Sighed Jacob leaning down placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

"Your stuck with me muscles, sorry..." Connie squeezed his hand that still gripped hers. "...I thought..." Jacob could see she was fighting to stay awake. "...it was over, I thought-" "ssh..." He told her. "...everything's fine now...sleep...you need to rest...I'll be here when you wake...I love you sweet cheeks."

Connie's eyes rolled shut as she mumbled her reply. "I love you...too...musc..." sleep took over her as Jacob's heart swelled.

Today hadn't turned out like he'd imagined but he was certain that the days that followed would be the best ever, that a happy future was waiting for them.

C.J xxx


	14. Chapter 14 - Constant

*Connie's point of view*

He was always there, a constant...a wall to lean on. Never asking anything in return...even now as I go through what has to be the darkest point in my life he hasn't changed, hasn't pushed...he's guided by me and my needs. Never wanting anything more than I could give and right now it shouldn't be enough for him, for anyone...but this man, my rock was unwavering in his support.

I have realised how I'm treating him, how I've been pushing him away. He wants nothing for himself and my heart aches to accept the comfort he is offering, his embrace, his shoulder to cry on...but my stubbornness and angry thoughts won't let me cave in. I need to remain strong...Grace needs me to be strong, this was all my fault, I can't let her down again!

Why had I interfered...why hadn't I stopped...why hadn't it been me. It should have been me.

I find myself reverting back to the old me, the me that had nobody, the me that had learnt to stand tall by myself. Untouchable...an island.

The sadness I see there written all over his face tells me how much he's hurting, I know he's struggling just as much as me...that he'd do anything in his power to make it right because that's the sort of man he is. It hurts me to think that there's only so much he can take...only so much of my cold shoulder before he himself becomes cold towards me but my focus is Grace. My happiness...Jacob's happiness is not my concern, only my daughters wellbeing, while she lay motionless connected to these machines I will be right by her side...I will be her constant...her wall...her rock. I will only hope that Jacob is there waiting at the end of this long road.

It's always surprised me how loyal he is, from the very beginning he's show me kindness and concern...and I feel I've done nothing to earn that from him. He's given himself to me freely and without reservation, for some bizarre reason he's chosen me to love...I'm certain he loves me, why else would he stand by me after everything, why would he fight to be with me if he didn't...I hope I get the opportunity to tell him how much he means to me. My focus shifts back to my little girl...I pray she knows how much she means to me right now...my precious little girl.

Just a short rambling, hope you enjoyed.

C.J xx


	15. Chapter 15

From the episode 'the big day'. What I imagine is going through Connie's head, her thoughts and feelings.

She was never the victim, she was Connie Beauchamp and she was never the victim but Steph Simms had made her one. Her kindness, compassion and desire to protect those that couldn't protect themselves had made her and her daughter a target.

Her mighty walls had failed, all her defences she'd spent a lifetime erecting couldn't protect the one person she couldn't live without. There was nothing else for it, she'd build them thicker, taller and stronger, a castle for two.

She wouldn't be weak, she wouldn't let them see her licking her wounds or the vultures would circle. Sharks would swim from miles around at the slightest sniff of blood, she refused to let anyone take her crown. She IS Connie Beauchamp with claws, teeth and mask to cover a thousand scars. She will show them, she'll show Steph Simms and anyone one else that chooses to doubt, she'd come back fighting, tougher than ever.

She'd convinced herself she was ready to face work, why wouldn't she be? Work was what she did best. Work was safe, where she had control, she could be clinical lead, she could be an island. Not Connie the victim but the strong unwavering force, the voice of authority, the unapproachable professional clinical lead. Confident that no one would ask about her wellbeing, she could forget, for just a few hours she could not be the woman silently praying by her daughters bedside.

She didn't account for all the sympathetic glances that were thrown her way or for the fact that people wouldn't believe her. She was ready for work, she'd convinced herself, why not them?

She was angry and red was the only colour she could see. It wasn't personal when she tore a strip of someone, just for them to be in her vicinity made them fare game.

She had to fight, she couldn't not. There was a tiny voice in the back of her mind telling her to listen, that they may have a point, that her judgement had been clouded and she shouldn't have taken that father's word as gospel. But it didn't shout loud enough, she refused to hear it or them. She wouldn't accept reason or sympathy and I certainly wouldn't accept that she was wrong.

Elle gardener had no right to back her into a corner, she wouldn't stand for it. This is what she was built for, the fight and she had a passion for it. Like a wild animal defending its territory, snarling and lashing out with freshly sharpened claws that shone in the sun. She would not back down.

Elle was wrong in her eyes and he was wrong for standing in her corner. She was hurting Jacob and knew it, she could see it all over his face but she couldn't stop. She felt powerful for the first time in weeks and she didn't want to stop. It felt like winning, like she was back on top, she was strong enough to stand by herself, she didn't need support, not from elle and not from Jacob.

The trouble with anger, it makes you blind, tunnel visioned. If she was calmer, if she was willing to see reason she would probably have been able to see what they were trying to say, that they were in fact looking out for her. That Jacob, for as much as she'd ignored him, he was still there ready to catch her, she just needed to say the word.

As she sat with her daughter yet again, hiding from the world, hiding from herself, she knew that this time she'd pushed him to far. She tried to remember her words, she'd been that fuelled by rage the whole encounter seemed like an out of body experience. It wouldn't surprise her if he thought they were over, maybe he wanted them to be over, she couldn't blame him. She knew there was only so much rejection one person could take.

Grace opened her eyes and there's only one person she wants to tell... She can't believe he came running...he shouldn't have but he did...

She makes a silent promise to herself, never to push him away again, Jacob deserves better, but she knows how she can be and she knows she's made the same promise several times before.

She hopes this time is different.

Not sure about this...just some rambling thoughts. Hope you like.

Xxx


	16. Chapter 16

Just a quick chapter I wrote following on from last night's episode 'About My Mother.'

Connie watched Grace from across the room, she'd been home a few days now and although she didn't say much she seemed to be happy. Content to play on her tablet even though it was a struggle, she still managed to type and have contact with her friends.

Shifting her gaze to the man sat opposite her eating his breakfast, Connie thought he looked worried, he had done since they arrived home from the hospital. she took a moment, just to think and wondered what the important thing he wanted to tell her was just before she asked him to move in. She thought he would have been happier than he seemed when she'd asked and was puzzled at his reluctance to fetch to many of his things. She watched him kiss Grace on the head and say goodbye, he repeated the action with her before he left for work.

Maybe he was regretting their relationship, this wasn't exactly what he signed up for.

...

He knew he needed to tell her, he couldn't not. His guilt was eating away at him, Elle was right Connie would find out sooner or later and later would be even harder.

She'd asked him to live with her, he should be thrilled. Instead he could enjoy the moment or be happy about it because he was lying, he never wanted this, he wasn't that guy. He'd never cheated on anyone before, so why had he done it now to the woman he could see himself spending the rest of his life with?

...

Connie was sat in the same place at the table, if it wasn't for the immaculate kitchen and her being changed out of the night ware Jacob could have been forgiven for thinking she hadn't moved all day.

"Where's Grace?" he wondered.

"Sam called round to see her and I suggested he take her in the wheelchair to the park...some fresh air will do her good and...it'll give us chance to talk." Explained Connie cryptically.

Jacob took in her appearance and her sombre voice.

"What's wrong?" Jacob frowned.

"Sit down." she commended pointing to the chair across from her.

"Connie?" He questioned as he did what she asked.

"I'm going to talk and your going to listen..." she held up her hand stop him from saying anything. "...listen..." she insisted. "...there's something bothering you..." she watched him make an attempt to say something else, maybe even deny it but the no nonsense look she gave him stopped him in his tracks. "...its a fact Jacob...okay...so let's leave it at that...your face gives you away...this morning I was thinking it was because you don't want to be here...I realise now that you never actually agreed to move in with me...I just sort of assumed-" "-it's not-" Jacob tried to correct her. "-NO! You don't get to talk just yet..." Connie raised her voice. "...I know that's not it...I was wrong because looking at you now I can see it clear as day...it's written all over your face...it's in your body language...I can spot guilt a mile away Jacob...I know what you've done..." Connie calmed herself. "...you know all about my past Jacob...I've told you all about my ex husband...you know how I've been treated..." she watched him hunch over the table, his head bowed, he knew what was coming. "...If I'm wrong here I'll apologise...I'll grovel for forgiveness...If I'm wrong...but I'm not am I?...that look your wearing...I've seen it a dozen times before on many different faces...hell I've seen it in the mirror on myself more than a few times..." Jacob remained quiet. "...I never thought I'd be having this conversation with you...I never wanted to believe you were capable...maybe I pinned my hopes to high...maybe I just draw that sort of behaviour out of people-" "-no...Connie...please let me explain-" he pleaded but also confirmed her suspicions were correct. "-SHUT UP!" Connie shouted, anger exploding inside her as she slammed her hand down on the table.

"I need to know some things..." she instantly calmed. "...look at me..." when he didn't straight away she took it out on the table again. "...LOOK AT ME!" her eyes bore into his. "...yes or no answers nothing more...do you want to be here...be with me?"

"Yes! Of course...I love you...Connie it was-" "-was it once?" she ploughed on not wanting to here any excuses. "Yes...it was a mistake and-" "- is there likely to be repercussions from this?" she needed to know.

"Repercussions?" wondered Jacob.

"Yes Jacob...Repercussions...you slept with someone else...did you use a condom? Were you safe?...Is she likely to rock up here declaring her undying love carrying a child? REPERCUSSIONS JACOB!" she bellowed at him.

"No!...Nothing will come of it." he assured her frowning, shocked at her bluntness but didn't blame her.

"I don't want to know who it was but please tell me she doesn't work with us...anywhere in the hospital." she asked her final question of him.

"No she doesn't...I don't even know her name..." he sighed. "...Connie...let me explain...I didn't mean-" "-didn't mean for what...it to happen? For me to find out?" she butted in.

"I wanted to tell you...I was going to tell you today...I hated the lies...I hate myself...I wasn't thinking...It was after you kicked me out of your office...the night Grace woke up...before I knew she had...you'd been pushing me away and I guess I was feeling lonely...rejected-" "-your blaming me! You cheated and its my fault?" she pushed her chair back and moved away from the table.

"No I'm not blaming you...it was all me...I just...my head wasn't in a good place..." he stood to follower her. "...I'm so sorry Connie...I've never done anything like this before and it kills me that I've done it to you...I love you..." the desperation in his voice was raw, he could feel his throat constrict as he fought back tears. "...tell me what you want me to do Connie...tell me how to make this right."

"You presume that there's a way to do that." her voice was low and resigned.

"I don't want to lose you...I can't lose you...please." he begged.

"This is what's going to happen..." Connie took a shuddering breath. "...and I want to make this perfectly clear so there is no doubt in your mind...this never happens again...if I find that anything you've told me today to be untrue...If you ever even think of cheating again...I will make your life a living hell...we will be through and there'd be no coming back from that..." her eyes drilled into his. "...we never talk about this again...it's done...we move on...and don't think this is you getting away with it...I really thought you were different Jacob...I really did..." her whole body looked broken, her spirit and her soul left in tatters. "...does anyone else know?"

"Elle." he uttered.

"Of course she does..." Connie sighed. "...make sure she knows the subject isn't up for discussion..." she added and took a step back when he tried to reach out to her. "...I need some space." she went to the cupboard and took out her warm coat.

"Where are you going?" he wondered.

"To get some space...I'll catch up with Sam and Grace in the park...when I get back-" "-you want me gone?" guessed Jacob.

"No...we'll eat the food your going to prepare while losing that guilt that's still on your face...we pretend this conversation never happened and focus on getting Grace on the road to recovery."

"You've thought about this." he realised.

"I've spent all day thinking about it Jacob...even through a few cups...your going to need a new coffee mug by the way..." her comment drew a small smirk to tug at the corner of his mouth. "...I'm not laughing Jacob...this is not funny...your clothes need putting back in the wardrobe as well...there was a very different conversation I gave thought to just so you know, it involved never seeing me or Grace again and you looking for a new job."

"I know it's not funny...I just...I'm relieved...you won't regret giving me the chance I promise...the two of you mean the world to me Connie...we can make this work. "

"We'll see..." she went to leave. "...I love you too...for some unknown reason you make me happy and the thought of never seeing you again was worse than the thought of what you've done...that is the only reason your still here but understand...I won't use my rational head if there's a next time!" her words were even and hit him hard.

"There won't be a next time." he said as she walked passed him, leaving the house without looking back.


	17. Chapter 17

This chapter is dedicated to Jacelwell16 hope you enjoy ;)

The twenty fourth of December, it was just another day, a day like any other. Another therapy session, another meal spoon fed to her daughter and another shift. The festive spirit was not something Connie had ever had in droves usually, but this year she had none. As she watched Grace struggle to take another step, to see the frustration on the young girls face it depleted her lacking supply of cheer.

There was no need for decorations, they served no purpose, only to distract from the trials and mountains Grace still had to climb.

Jacob tried, offering up turkey and crackers, tempting with puppies and Christmas trees but he got nowhere. Connie Beauchamp would always be the one to come to her own conclusions, no amount of pressure or reasoned arguments would ever change that, it only served to push her further in the wrong direction. She'd dig her heals in and wouldn't be moved until she was good and ready.

Pleased wasn't the word to describe Jacobs reaction to her change of heart, he was over the moon for Grace, to have some sort of reprieve from the daily slog that her recovery had become. She needed a distraction, rest bite from the uphill struggle she faced and Christmas was it. To cancel it would only drag her down further into the depths, mopping wasn't the answer, she needed love and laughter, she needed to be treated like a normal child.

Jacob had gone the extra mile, he loved Grace and he loved her mother. All he wanted was to make the day special, memorable for all the right reasons and none of the bad.

He'd bought the Santa suit and all the trimmings you could ever want for Christmas dinner, so much more than the three of them would need. They'd collected the puppy together and the sparkle in Connie eyes as the ball of white fluff was placed in her arms was a wonderful sight to be privy too. The sound of her laughter as she saw Jacob for the first time dressed in red with a pillow stuffed in his top was a turning point, she'd found some happiness, even embraced the antlers Jacob passed her to wear.

She reached up, tugged down the fake white beard and kissed his lips, a small yet meaningful thank you to him from her for his persistence, his devotion, willingness to be there for her and Grace. Her smile brought light to what had started out as a dull and unremarkable day, it told him his real reward would come later.

They fussed over Grace, merry to the extreme but it was worth it just to see the joy in her face, playing happily with the new pup.

...

"Was she okay?" wondered Jacob as he watched Connie, still clad on her antlers drift into the bedroom they now shared.

"She's fast asleep..." said Connie by way of explanation as she moved to the end of the bed and stood watching him as he lounged in nothing but Santa's red trousers. "...Comfortable?" she asked with a smirk.

"Mmm...very...thank you...although I am feeling a little lonely here." Jacob teased wagging his eyebrows at her.

Never one to back down, Connie started to pop the buttons on her white blouse, slowly revealing herself to him. With a playful glint in her eye she pushed the silky clothing from her shoulders and let it fall to the floor before lowering the zip on the crisp black trousers. She stepped out of them never once letting her gaze drop from Jacobs as he watched patiently, waiting and wanting. His arousal was clear to see, the front of his comical trousers tenting as his manhood stirred. Dressed in a white matching set of underwear Connie stood proudly before him, pleased with herself and the effect she had on him.

She was by no means finished, reaching behind her she unhooked her bra, letting its straps fall down her arms, revealing her breasts. Her movements remained slow and controlled, teasing Jacob as she made him wait, testing his resolve.

With a finger on each side of her hip she pushed downwards sending her white lace knickers to the floor.

Connie stood at the end of the bed now completely naked apart from the antlers and a playful half smile. With a bite of her lip she crawled up the bed, her eyes locked with Jacobs as he lay anxious and aching to touch.

There was no words needed, Connie straddled his lap, pushing center to his still covered member and leaning down to capture his lips in a searing kiss full of heat and desire.

Jacob waisted no time, he needed no prompt, his hands smoothed over her skin, roaming everywhere. Wanting nothing more than to touch her, to worship and commit her shape to his memory, never to be forgotten again.

Connie continued to give and take pleasure as she ground into his now straining erection. "Mmmm." Jacob hummed into her mouth, his body on fire and on the verge of betraying him.

Making a decisive move Jacob rolled the two of them over, pinning Connie to the bed underneath him. "These antlers suit you." grinned Jacob slowing their progress.

"I wish I could say the same about you and that Santa outfit..." Connie chuckled. "...it's a little..." she tried to choose her words.

"Doesn't do it for you?" guessed Jacob laughing.

"No...it really doesn't..." agreed Connie pulling him down for another kiss. "...but thank you for cheering Grace up...it was very sweet of you."

"Anytime...I'll get rid of the suit but only if you keep these..." he straightened her head ware. "...we could make them one of our Christmas traditions." he gave her a gentle smile as he watched a series of emotions flash across her features. He knew what he'd said and the way it sounded to Connie. He was saying he saw longevity in their relationship, that he was going nowhere, that this was their first of many Christmases together.

"I'd like that." she told him wanting the exact same thing, sincerity in her voice and a sheen in her eyes. She excepted his deep kiss, her hands sliding over his shoulders, down his back as far as she could reach.

Connie lifted her legs wrapping them around Jacobs waist, nudging the band of his loose-fitting trousers as she did. "Please...I want you." she whispered in his ear at the feel of his erection nudging her thigh.

Jacob reached down between them, angling his throbbing length, running the head through her moist folds before pushing in. His size stretching and filling her, drawing a gasp from her.

"Mmmm..." Jacob moaned into Connie's neck as her tight core encased him. "...jesus Con..." leaning up he kissed her lips as his hips thrust against hers.

Groans and gasps mingled together from them both, pleasure lapped at their senses, driving them higher and higher.

"Ohhh...mmm...Jacob!" Connie called into the cruck of his neck as his pace increased, searching for their fulfilment.

She clawed at his back as she came, throwing her head back, her mouth open wide in a silent scream as her inner muscles quivered around his length.

Jacob shuddered, his smooth strokes faulted as he shot his hot seed into her depths where she milked him, taking everything he had.

...

Laid together under the covers, Jacob pulled the antlers from Connie's head and put the on the bedside cabinet. "So no Santa suit?" he checked.

"No! You wear that and you'll not see the inside of this bedroom again! " she swatted his chest.

;p

C.J xxx


	18. Chapter 18

She couldn't stop, she didn't know how too. There was part of her that did deep down but it was the devil on her shoulder driving that wouldn't let her rational mind function, that didn't want her to stop. Even though these thoughts came from the smallest part of her they were the loudest by far.

It was a default setting, to fight, to right wrongs and she'd do it tooth and nail. Somebody needed to pay for her daughters ailments, this whole situation was happening because of somebody else's short comings.

"I'm doing this for Grace." she said with conviction but the disbelief on Jacobs face told her he found her reasons just as questionable as she did.

"Your doing this for you...your on a power trip..." he argued back. "...your doing this to make yourself feel better...so that you can say your doing something...you want to find some way to make all this easier to swallow." he didn't pull any punches, she needed to hear the truth, as direct and brutal as it was it needed to be said.

"This has nothing to do with me..." Connie saw red, her anger plan to see. "...she could have killed my daughter-" "-NO! Steph Simms nearly killed you both!" corrected Jacob, his voice loud and insistent.

Calming quickly he watched her seemingly unfazed, his words holding no real weight. "If you don't stop this then you and me, we're over!" and there it was, his ultimatum, his last ditch attempt to reach her. "Don't make me choose her over you." There was still nothing, no outward sign of doubt or consideration. Not a flinch, maybe he misjudged what he meant to her.

"Well you have chosen your side..." her voice cold, harsh and controlled, only her eyes displayed the hurt that he'd caused. After everything he'd promised her, he was going to let her down, let grace down but she wouldn't see sense. The way she was acting was irrational, she was on a self destructive path and unable to see that she would lose the people that loved her the most.

They parted ways with nothing left to be said.

...

"I came for some things." muttered Jacob as saw Connie sat in her living room. His demeanour subdued, nervous for the reception he'd receive.

"Your really doing this?" she wondered resigned to the fact.

"That's up to you Connie...I can't keep doing this..." he sighed and perched himself on the chair across from her. "...this tunnel vision...this crusade your on...you push everyone away...do you even realise your behaviour is hurting Grace...all she wants is your support..." he took a moment to regard her, dressed in her comfort pyjamas, devoid of her makeup, stripped back to natural Connie not a peep of the vicious woman from this afternoon. "...your pushing her away Con...you carry on this way and you'll lose her too."

Jacob stood, ready to collect his things.

"This is blackmail... " she shot at him, anger simmering. "...do you honestly believe Elle is blameless or does your loyalty automatically lie with her...she made a bad call Jacob now Grace is paying the price."

"She made a judgement call...don't deny you've never done the same...and don't deny that if the patient wasn't Grace we'd be having this conversation...if it was anyone else you'd be stood defending Elle...your going after the wrong person...Elle was there for you and she worked tirelessly on Grace...but you can't see that can you? " he spoke calmly, precisely, with compassion.

" I don't want you to go. " she whispered, her head bowed.

"But you have your priorities all wrong...you've put more effort into placing blame than you have in showing Grace understanding... She's a young girl who needs her mum not a drill Sargent...and me...I feel like a hobby you pick up when you have time...I'm not leaving just because of Elle...I'm fed up of feeling like a stranger looking in...I'm your boyfriend Connie...I love you...I want to be there for you but you make it impossible."

He stood in the doorway watching as she stayed curled into the corner of the sofa, starring blankly away from him.

"I just told you I loved you and I still get no reaction." he shuck his head with disappointment and left the room to collect his things.

He didn't disturb her again as he left the house with bag in hand.

...

"Jacob!" called Charlie, his distress obvious. "...you need to come now...it's Connie...Steph Simms was brought in...she'd been attacked in prison...there was nothing we could do for her...she was evasive and uncooperative...she was pronounced thirty minutes ago...but..." the older nurse faulted.

"Charlie wants wrong?" frowned Jacob as his panicked thoughts plagued him.

"Connie won't stop." Charlie sighed leading Jacob to the small private room where the Steph's body had been cleaned and cleared of medical equipment.

Jacob nodded his understanding and stepped just inside the secluded room. "Con..." he said gently as he watched her flick a switch, her trying was futile as the body jinked, electricity causing through doing no harm but no good either. "...Con..." he said a little louder. "... she's gone...there's nothing to be done..." Another jolt and Jacob edged nearer. "...Connie stop!"

"She needs to pay...she needs to go to prison...she needs to suffer and pay for what she did to us." Connie murmured.

It was the first time he'd heard her refer to herself, acknowledging that she too was a victim of the crash, not just Grace. Jacob stepped forward some more taking hold of her hand moving her back away from the machines. He switched them off leaving the room quiet. "Not everything works out how we want it to..." he told her honestly.

Connie slid down the wall and Jacob joined her. "...its done now...now you focus on Grace...now you move on...put this behind you-" "-the GMC dropped the charges against Elle." she declared her voice dull, monotone.

"It was the right thing to do." nodded Jacob relieved for his friend.

"Your happy now!" she accused bitterly.

"It's not like that Connie and you know it..." denied Jacob. "...you were looking for someone to blame and nobody can begrudge you wanting answers but this needs to stop...lets get you home to Grace."

"You were right..." sighed Connie looking down at her hands. "...Grace is stopping with Sam for a little while...she blames me...I thought she meant for the crash but...I should have listened but I couldn't hear...I pushed her away again." Connie let out a pained sob, falling into Jacobs embrace she let silent tears fall.

They fell for the daughter she couldn't let in and for the justice they'd never get, for all the emotions she'd kept bottled up for so long.

Jacob held onto her, finally being able to give her the comfort that she needed, that she deserved. "We'll get her back con-" "-we?" she queried, her confusion clear.

"I meant what I said Connie...I love you-" "-yet you walked away!?" she pushed herself up and away from him, wiping the moisture from her cheeks.

"You left me no choice...and you still don't see the way you treated me do you...the way you treated the people that were only trying to help." Jacob defended his attentions.

"I love you too." Connie whispered as her eyes welled but Jacob could see her fighting to say in control.

"Then we can put this behind us..." he hoped. "...all I wanted was to be there for you...I know giving you the ultimatum was unfair but I just didn't know how else to get through to you."

"Take me home..." Connie looked at the still form of Steph in the bed. "...I'm not doing this here."

They left together wrapped in each other's arms but the future still remains so uncertain.

The End

X


	19. Chapter 19

Jacob watched helplessly as their clinical lead plowed on into another hour of overtime. Another patient, another puzzled to solve, a life in her hands to heal.

He wanted to help, to be there for her. He ached to hear a witty comment or snide pull down just to know she was still in there somewhere. He also knew he'd given up that privilege the day he walked away...Maybe even before then. She deserved so much more than her lot in life. So much more devotion and happiness.

He couldn't take his eyes off her as she used the nurses station for support and wonders when she last ate and whether the rumours were true. Had Grace gone with her dad, had she too reached her limit.

As quickly as she alienated him, Connie had suffocated her daughter with high standards and pressure. Expecting her to have the drive and strength for justice just as she did.

She was alone in every sense of the word, he could see that now.

With all the fight gone...and it wasn't through choice, she'd become the only thing she knew how to be. A doctor, a clinical lead.

For two weeks she'd put herself through these gruelling shifts, punishing herself, trying to find penance for something she had no control over. Paying the price for her clouded thought process, she would always be her harshest judge.

He'd seen Charlie battling with her, the only one who would, the only one with the know how to get her to leave work, to rest. Her respite was always short lived because a few hours later she'd be back, showered, changed, immaculate as always, ready to battle on. She'd come breezing back into the department with purpose...but he knew her better.

He'd been privy to all her emotions and all the ways she could hide, not only from the people around her but herself as well. She was exceptionally good at that, ignoring her feeling and on occasion, shutting them down completely.

This time was different. This time she was alone with nothing to fight for, the shine in her eyes had gone. There was no bite to her commanding tone, the fierce woman he'd fallen for such a long time ago had been tempered with too many trails and tribulations. She'd dealt with so many raw emotions that her usually infallible judgement became...swamped, lost to her. She couldn't see her destructive path or hear the warnings and if she could, they didn't make sense, they went unheard.

Now somehow...probably someone...his guess was Charlie, had gotten through to her, snapped her back to the here and now. He'd got her to stop fighting but here was the irony...She'd lost all her fight...that spark that made her Connie Beauchamp. She'd gone from one extreme to another.

The dark rings that she attempted to conceal gave her away. She was running her self into the ground, weakening and it wouldn't be long before she crumbled.

A panic bubbled up from the pit of his stomach and his heart leapt, thundering in his chest as she haphazardly aimed for her office. Using any solid surface available to keep her up right she made it to her safe haven. All Jacobs doubt had vanished, whether she wanted him there or not, he wouldn't let her hide away anymore.

Jacob pushed open the office door, uninvited and defiant, he found her sat hunched over on the sofa.

"Con...?" his voice gentle and full of concern at the sight before him. She was a private person which made it all the stranger to him that she made no attempt to hide her weakness.

"Con... " he edged ever closer before perching on the cushion beside her. "...talk to me..." he rubbed a soothing hand over her back. Up and down, hoping to offer just a small degree of comfort. "...I can see your not well."

"I'll be fine..." came her weakened response as she blow out a long breath. "...I just felt a little dizzy."

"Let me take you home..." Jacobs words were cut short as Connie lifted her head, giving him a glare that would have usually struck fear. But not now, not with her pale complexion, not with her glazed eyes. She had no conviction behind it and Jacob knew she would agree before she gave him a small nod. "...come on."

He helped her from her seat and into her coat never once removing his supportive gip as she swayed.

"You should really let me check you out here-" "-no...please...there's no need." There was a certainty in her voice that told Jacob all he needed to know, that she was well aware of her fatigue.

She linked arms with him as they left her office, leaning heavily against his side. Jacob was glad all of her energy was focused on making it out the building with little fuss because the attention they had again would have caused her more distress. She was a private woman, a proud woman, never one to tolerate idol gossip and right now the department was rife. He'd received a nod of approval from Charlie, wearing a look of relief that finally Connie was accepting help.

The drive was quiet as Connie watched their surroundings fly past under the fading light of late afternoon. Jacob kept his sights and mind fixated on the drive to her home, somewhere he, for such a short amount of time had considered his home too. Their home where they'd been happy, when he thought he'd found his everything. The woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. His eyes flicked to her before focusing back on the road, he still felt it.

"Con..." Jacob reached over placing a tentative hand on her shoulder. "...We're here..." he watched her blink back to the present. "...lets get you inside."

It amazed him how compliant she was, with out a word he watched her climb from his car. She let herself inside the house leaving the door wide open, she expected him to follow or maybe she wanted him to stay.

He found her sat on the sofa having made no attempt to rid herself of either her coat or shoes, she sat there with her head in her hands.

"Why are you here?" she asked out of the blue, her voice full of tired disbelief and it caught Jacob off guard. It was the first time since she agreed to leave work that she had acknowledged him.

"I...I'm worried about you." his words were sincere.

"Why?" she asked again.

"Because..." Jacob moved to sit beside her. "...because I still care Connie...that hasn't changed."

"Your the one that finished this." she stated flatly, it came without accusation, there was no tone or harshness.

"I didn't recognise the person you'd become." he answered, it was the truth. He'd seen her as a hard headed task master, a side of her he loved but to watch her be so cruel, so single minded was more than he was willing to be a part of.

"I'm sorry." her apology came as a whisper.

"Talk to me Connie...what's going on?" he pressed.

"I've lost her...I've lost everyone and I couldn't see...everything I was doing I thought...I thought it was the right thing to do...that it was my job to fight for justice...I'm sorry..." her confession came in a rushing jumble, wanting to say everything all at once, to have it said and out there. "...you shouldn't be here and you shouldn't care..." with a shakey hand she swept away a stray tear. "...I'm going to bed...thanks for the lift."

She'd left Jacob sat there, her final words meant as a dismissal, his cue to leave he knew that but he couldn't face the thought. The thought of leaving here, of leaving her in such a devastated frame of mind.

He stood and made his way into the kitchen, picking up the coat she'd discarded as he went and hanging it carefully on a vacant coat hook.

The cupboards were bare, not a single morsel of fresh food to be found, a sinking feeling swept over Jacob as he survailled the kitchen. It occurred to him, along with sleep, it seemed as though food hadn't be very high up her list of priorities. He worries increased tenfold, this wasn't like her, she could eat with the best of them, it was only her strict exercise that kept her figure. With his mind set he left her house, but only for a short time.

With his return he brought fresh vegetables, meats and fish. Food to nourish. The night was still young as Jacob prepared a simple soup packed full of goodness, a bowl for himself and a bowl for Connie.

He found her curled, fully dress on top of her bed in a fitful sleep and his heart ached all the more.

Placing the tray with their meal on the bedside cabinet, Jacob sat beside her carefully. He wanted to wake her yes, but not startle her.

"Sweetcheeks..." he whispered as he stroked a feather light finger from her temple down to behind her ear. Repeating over and over till he'd scooped every last tendrel of wayward hair into some sort of order. "...Sweetcheeks..." he pressed again just a little louder.

"Leave me alone." she sighed, making no attempt to move.

"I'm not going anywhere." he insisted, keeping his words kind and gentle.

"Makes a change..." her face contorted a second later as it dawned on her just how cruel her reflex reply had sounded. "...Sorry." she added quickly, opening her eyes. He could see she was being sincere, there was a pain etched in them, a regret.

Jacob reached for one of the bowls. "Come on sit up..." he commanded. "...I've made you some soup."

Again Jacob tried not to show his amazement as Connie once again complied without hesitation.

"You told me once, that warming a tin of soup does not mean you've made it." she was teasing him and it puzzled him more, she'd looked so withdrawn. This was not the behaviour of someone that had given up on the world.

"I did say that..." he smiled as he teased her right back. "...But I did make this...from scratch...with real tomatoes and peppers."

His revelation drew the smallest of smiles from her lips and it lessened his worry, his Connie was there just below the surface. He passed her a bowl and began to tuck into his own food, casting his gaze her way a hand full of times just to make sure she was still eating.

"This is lovely...thankyou..." said Connie eying him warily. "...But what is this all about?"

"I'm...worried about you..." Jacob chose his words carefully. "...I'd...noticed...You seemed...I thought you were struggling...this last few weeks...I thought you could use a friend..." he sighed as he removed both their dishes back to the cabinet. "...I don't think you've been looking after yourself properly." he finished in a rush and watched nervously as his words sunk in, as Connie processed what he was trying to say.

She regarded him with a cool calculated look as she weighed up her choices. Jacob could see her mind working, judging the extent of the knowledge she'd allow him to have.

She scrapped her bottom lip with her teeth. "I know what your thinking...and your wrong...I am eating...its just...I've not been keeping a lot down..." her gaze dropped to her lap, unable to hold any sort of eye contact with him. "...I'll be fine-" "-that not what I would call fine Connie..." he took her hand hoping to reassure her his outburst was through concern for her. "...Get some rest...We'll get you checked out in the morning."

"It's fine...I'm fine..." Connie hissed, she didn't want or need to be fussed over. "...I'm not ill...please...I just want some sleep..." she pulled her hand from his. "...Thankyou for the soup-" "-your not dismissing me...I won't let you...talk to me...please Connie...I'm worried about you...I never stopped loving-" "-I'm pregnant Jacob...nearly three months...I found out last week..." she watched as her words sunk it and was amazed at the range of emotions that washed over Jacob's features. Surprise, confusion, shear bewilderment, she saw hurt in his eyes but that was quickly replaced with joy. "...You've done the maths then?" questioned Connie.

"It's mine?" he checked for his own peace of mind.

"There's been no one else Jacob...only you..." she murmured.

A happiness flooded Jacob, excitement and anticipation as he thought of the times and trials to come.

The End x


	20. Chapter 20

What a stupid statement... Of course it hurts. She knew all about losing people she loved. She'd lost everyone she'd ever loved and now she was on her own again.

"I could cook us that risotto...you always liked... "

"Maybe some other night..." she was torn, her mind screaming for comfort while her reflex reactions took control and pulled her away. To retreat into herself, into her safe haven was all she needed. At least that's what she told herself.

In a daze she pulled her shoes from her feet as she went in search of a kind of comfort that she could accept but even that wasn't meant to be.

As the bottle crashed to the floor it broke her resolve, it was the final crack in the wall and the dam burst.

Knelt beside the ruminants of her favourite wine Connie sobbed, feeling all her pain and loneliness so keenly she didn't hear the front door.

She didn't hear it open and close, she didn't hear Jacobs light foot steps coming closer and she certainly didn't hear him say her name.

"Connie..." signed Jacob as he took in the sight before him. Crumpled on the floor was the strongest woman he had ever known. Her body shuddered as she fought to take in air, battling with her overwhelming emotions.

"Connie..." he whispered as he made his way across the room desperate to comfort her.

Glass crunched under his weight and the distinctive noise caught Connie's attention. She looked up, her eyes red, her face streaked with wet trails of her tears. "I said I'd see you tomorrow." Her voice horse and harsh as she forced herself to regain some composure.

"I heard a smash...I wasn't about to walk away." Insisted Jacob pulling Connie up from the floor and into his arms.

He carried her from the kitchen, away from the broken glass and into the living room, sitting her down and taking her hand. "It's for the best...Hugo needs to be with his dad-" "-I know but..." Connie cut him off and words instantly failed her as she searched for the best way to explain her distress. "...he wanted to spend time with me...he wanted to live with me...it made the fact that my daughter can't even bare to look at me a little easier..." she took a moment for consideration, could she really be this honest. "...I wish that me and Grace could be the way me and Hugo have been...even before the crash...There's always been that distance...with Hugo...its was how I imagined mother and child should be and I know I'll never have that with Grace." She spoke with a frankness that Jacob wasn't use to and it stunned him into silence, anything he thought to say paled and died on his lips. Instead, he pulled her close, holding her as she let silent tears fall. He held her as she relaxed and drifted to sleep, he held her as he to gave onto his own tiredness and all through the night.

...

For me, this is how the episode should have ended.

C.J xxx


End file.
